As I went down in the river to pray

I know there are a lot of people, who when they begin this particular spiritual journey, wonder "when" they should be re-baptized. They have a testimony of the Savior, the Book of Mormon and the many things that are being opened up to them in that marvelous book, most have read Denver Snuffer's books and know of his admonishment, as well as the Lord's to be re-baptized, but often, we wait for a sign from heaven. 

But most of that time, the sign comes after the obedience, which totally sucks.



I wonder if it's fear holding people back. True-blue, unadulterated fear. Are they holding onto friends and family who they don't want to disappoint? Are they afraid their reputations would be ruined if anyone found out? They would be. Maybe it's that they don't want their neighbors to know they're "apostates." And they probably don't want to put all these people, who they love, through the agony of their excommunication. But are those good enough reasons to hold back, waiting? Is your excuse that the Lord hasn't told you specifically to be re-baptized? 

May I be bold and say, yes he has. Many times over. Every time you read the scriptures and every time you listen to Denver speak.

This post is for the scardy-cats. 

I was one of the scardy-cats. I didn't want to ruin a good thing, and I had a good reputation in our ward until my son came home early from his mission. I was respected by friends and liked being looked up to. 

This post is the story of how I escaped the garbage of fear and doubt and was finally re-baptized.

I'd had a feeling for a long while that I should do it, but I told the Lord it just wasn't working out. There was nowhere to BE baptized that wasn't FULL of people, and I wanted my baptism to be beautiful and sacred, without a large audience. Honestly, if I were telling the whole truth, there was a piece of my heart that was embarrassed to be seen being baptized in this area of over-populated Mormons. What would they think???

I spent months in this debate.

Then, in June of last year, my sister who lives on Maui called me and said, "I'm bored, lonely, and depressed. I'm buying your ticket and you're coming to visit." My first reaction was that I couldn't go to Hawaii! I was too sick still. I didn't have the energy. I had to do daily detox cleanses and it was just too hard, but something inside me told me I needed to do this, so with a leap of faith, I said okay.

After I had made the decision to go, the ever-pressing need to be baptized magnified. I had the thought, wouldn't it be cool to be baptized there? Why, yes it would, the Lord seemed to say. I didn't know anyone there who was like me in my "new-found" beliefs, and neither did my sister who doesn't think anything like me spiritually or religiously, and hasn't been active in the church for years and years.

I got on LDS Remnant on facebook and asked if anyone knew of someone in Hawaii who could baptize me. I didn't expect much to happen, and honestly, I was afraid someone WOULD know who could baptize me there. I was still letting fear dictate my life. I'm sure there are a few of you out there who know what I mean. And wouldn't you know it? There was a man there who could do it. Except the guy didn't live on Maui. He lived on the big island. Well, dang. Guess I couldn't be baptized after all.

The Lord had other ideas and told me to contact him anyway, so I obeyed. He (we'll call him George) was overjoyed to do this for me. At first, we tried to figure out ways to get my sister and me over to the big island, but I just couldn't afford two tickets there. I didn't have much money, most of my money had gone toward medical expenses. I was dirt poor. And then George offered to fly to Maui. He and I had frequent phone calls trying to work things outs, flights etc... But something inside kept losing faith and kept telling me I should just let it go. Cancel the whole thing. It was too hard and too much work and I didn't have the money to pay for George's ticket to Maui. I later found out that the Lord told George not to offer to pay, because I needed to learn sacrifice if I really wanted to make this happen. Funny thing, He'd told me the same thing in a very humbling moment of prayer. I tended to give up if things got too hard, but Jesus wasn't about to me do that this time. I DID want this to happen. The closer it got, the more I desperately wanted it to happen.

George did the bulk of the work, trying to find a flight that would bring him to Maui and have it fit both our schedules and be one I could afford (he was about to leave for the states, but before I'd even called him, he was going to get a ticket for July 3rd, a Friday, but the spirit had told him to go on the Sunday instead. George had thought it strange at the time, but had obeyed and had bought his ticket for the states for the 5th instead.)

And then I'd called him! It was an amazing testimony that things are NOT random. That the Lord DOES make things happen on schedule when we let him! 

We booked the flight and I paid for it, (keeping my fingers crossed that my husband wouldn't kill me for spending more money) I was so scared and excited. My baptism would be on July, 3rd, the only day George and I could get together. The day he had originally wanted to leave for the states. 

George asked me where I wanted the baptism to take place. I had no idea. I didn't know Hawaii at all. Now I know a ton of places, but he said he knew one that would be perfect.

When we picked him up at the airport and I met George for the first time, I was blown away by how loving he was. Never had I met anyone (and I'm not kidding) who reminded me so much of the Savior. He was so kind and non-judgmental. He was also drop dead gorgeous and hard to not stare at. A Greek god. Seriously. My sister, who was single at the time, nearly fell over her feet, all gaga for him. Thank heavens he took it in stride!

He asked if we could stop at the store to buy bread and wine, so of course we did that. I'd never taken the sacrament with wine before. He bought kosher wine and a special kind of bread that I can't remember the name of. (One of those stupid forgetful brain things).

We drove the the Iao Valley National Park, which is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. To the Hawaiians, it's a sacred, very holy place, where their kings and queens are buried. I couldn't think of a better place to have my baptism, except for one problem....

It was the 4th of July weekend and everyone was out to enjoy a good time.

George said not to worry, that the Lord would provide and had shown him exactly where we should do the baptism. George had been to the Iao Valley before, so I trusted him and followed him down the lush, green path. It wasn't long before we detoured off the path that went in direct violation to the signs posted that said to "stay on the path". George didn't seem to mind that we were breaking the rules. We hiked over to where the stream cuts through the woods, like you see in these pictures and I'd never seen anything so beautiful and peaceful. Except when we stepped out into the clearing, in the spot George had said the Lord had shown him, it was full of people! 

For a split second I panicked.

All George said was, "Huh. I'd thought for sure this was the spot." He turned without a second thought and followed the stream down (not on a path, if I remember right) over logs and boulders. A few minutes later we stepped out into a beautiful location. Not a soul in sight, which was miraculous in itself. 

Right before us lay the perfect font. George stopped and said, "This is it. This is the place the Lord showed me." You see, even George had made a mistake. He had assumed he "knew" the Lord's thoughts, knew exactly what He'd meant--that water hole up the stream. But God had intended a different location all the time. It's a mistake all of us frequently make--assuming we understand things completely. But the Savior lovingly pointed us to where we were really supposed to go and when we made it there, the spirit confirmed that this was where we should be. It was truly an amazing experience I can hardly put into words.

 This is an actual photo I took of the spot. It's much deeper than it looks.

The exact depth it needed to be. About three and a half feet.

A cool thing is, that almost ALWAYS at that time of day, in the afternoon, the Iao Valley clouds over and it rains. It's seldom that it doesn't happen, but when we stepped out into the correct spot, there was literally a pillar of light shining through the clouds onto the pool of water where we were going to perform the baptism. The rest of the stream was in shadow. This is a photo of that moment. (I have pics of the actual baptism and a bunch with all of us who were there, but I feel impressed to keep them private)

Let me sidestep for a second. My sister has a friend, who when she heard (because my sis has kind of a loud mouth and announced it to everyone) that I was going to renew my vows to the Savior, she wanted to come. My first was reaction was to say no. This was supposed to be a special experience! Sacred and reverent and this friend was anything but! She was older, yet wore teeny-tiny mini skirts and very revealing tops. She smoked a lot and drank even more. (yes, I realize how judgemental this sounds, but I'm trying to be honest)
I didn't want her there, but before I could open MY big mouth, the Lord told me to let her come. 

He is much wiser than I.

So, there the four of us were, on the edge of heaven, sitting on the shores of this beautiful stream. George broke the break and poured the wine and blessed it. We all took the sacrament together. The emotions flowing through me were overwhelming. So powerful that I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face at the gift I was being given. I didn't deserve it. 

George asked me to share why I was doing this, so I did, my heart overflowing with the peace and love for these three people with me. A love that was unexplainable, but powerful. Then my sister shared her feelings, (all unplanned) and they were beautiful. Then her friend, who was born and raised Catholic asked if she could share. She told us how grateful she was that I had allowed her to come, that she'd needed this, that she didn't have many spiritual experiences in her life, and then she shared the story of her miraculous healing from epilepsy when she was young. It was truly amazing and had us in tears again. Her experience had solidified her testimony of the Savior. 

I was so grateful the Lord had known better and had wanted her there with us. She added to the spirit of the occasion more than words can express and I was brought to my knees in shame for having initially not wanting her to come. 

Then George led me down into the water. He held is arm to the square--this beautiful soul who looked just like a Nephite Warrior. And then he prayed, asking God to give him the authority to perform my baptism. The spirit surrounding us was so thick you could cut it. And then he dipped me below the water, washing away my doubts, my fears, my past, my sins. 

I don't remember feeling a "baptism of fire" when I came up. I only remember seeing the sun shining down on us and feeling so happy. Happier than I had for a long time. I left that experience, knowing it was right, that it was a gift, that too many miraculous things had happened to make it turn out, to be a coincidence. 

The Lord wants us to be baptized. He has commanded us to do it, to re-commit. Don't let anything stop you. Not the church, your friends, or your family. Don't purposely hold yourself back, which was what I'd been doing. The Lord had specifically told me that I would not move forward and have more spiritual experiences--like I was begging him for--until I did this. Since that time, last July, I can't even tell you how much I've grown. How easily his voice comes to me. How easily I hear his commands and feel inspiration. Greater things are coming. I know this. And I can't wait.

Be true and faithful. Not afraid. Be not ashamed, like I had been. Once you make the commitment to do it, the Lord will do the rest.