Letting Go and Accepting What Is

Have you ever forgotten a password or username for some account you use? Did you rant and rave, pull your hair out or want to throw your computer against the wall? After that, did you bargain and plead with God to help you to understand the problem only to face more frustration? (are you recognizing the 5 stages of grief here? LOL)

I recently did some serious in depth cleaning of my computer since it wasn't behaving and the cleansing period erased some important things. Like hints at what the password and email were for a certain google account.

The one that affects this blog.

I hadn't posted for a while, because I wait for the Lord to tell me to, so it's easy to forget little things like passwords or whole freakin' email addresses when my computer erases them. Anyway, a few days ago I felt like I might want to write, and when I tried to log on I couldn't. My password and user ID did not match... according to Google.

I KNEW I was doing it right. I was right, right, right! I had my password! I could remember it, dang it. After that, I tried every password I could ever remember using. NOTHING worked. After a couple of days of battle I tried to contact Google but they don't pay people to help recover accounts from forgetful people and my attempts at logging in always ended the same way.

After a week of talking to google "volunteers" and trying to figure it out, and after a solid week of praying and asking for the Lord's help, and not getting it... for SEVEN days, I finally let go. I finally accepted that I might not recover this account, ie this blog. Ever. It might have to be abandoned. And it was finally okay. I could let go, because the Lord was in control. He had already whispered to my mind that if He wanted me to keep blogging, things would work out and I needed to have faith and wait on Him.

Then, this morning, I thought I'd try one more time, just for curiosity's sake and what do you know? Loud and clear, the mistake I'd made was revealed to my mind. I REMEMBERED what I did wrong. I'd forgotten my own email address, or at least a couple numbers at the end, and it wasn't until I had given up, given in, and calmed my mind, that He could tell me my mistake.

As soon as I typed in the correct email, everything went through just fine. I now sit here in awe and amazement, listening to my kids argue out in the living room, but I'm not going to let that affect me. I've just experienced something otherworldly. The Lord spoke to my mind. His words were clear. "You forgot the 01 in the email address." I responded with, "Are you serious? I've been miserable all week, trying to figure this out, beating myself up for being so stupid, and THIS is what was wrong all this time?? Why didn't You tell me sooner!!"

Well, I suppose it's because the Still Small Voice couldn't get through my manic panic. It occurs to me that this is how things work in all aspects of our lives. How often do we miss the message because our thoughts are too loud? How often do we pray, demanding, tell me how to fix this!, over and over, and hear no answer? I really tried to hear. I wanted to get my blog back like you couldn't believe, but it wasn't until I was willing to sacrifice this blog, to give it up, to give it all to Him, that He finally spoke to me in a way I could hear and understand.

This is the pattern of my life. Seriously.

But dang, it was cool and my heart is so full!

The moral of the story is....

Turn off that dang TV!

I have not written here in a while, and that is because I had nothing to say. It's hard to believe, I know, but I don't want to write just to make noise. I want my posts to make a difference, so I hope they do. Plus, I told the Lord that I wasn't going to write another post unless he told me specifically that I should.

Today, He told me I should.

What I'm going to chat with you about today comes from studying with my kids this morning.
Even though I've had a dramatic change of heart over the last few years, I still struggle with making myself sit down and study. And I mean study things that really matter like the Book of Mormon, Preserving the Restoration, or other "good books". I do it every Sunday, but every other day of the week... it's a real crap shoot.

Why, why, why?

Why is it so hard to commune with God even though once I start I absolutely LOVE it? When I study and pray, I feel beyond wonderful, and all of you out there who do it know what I mean. So what keeps me from doing it more often? I feel stupid saying, "Satan made me do it" (or not do it) because I have control over my own actions. At least I think so. *snicker*

I really want to share the gospel with my kids, and the Lord has specifically TOLD me to do it more often... during the week... and I don't.

My husband is out of town today, so we didn't take the sacrament this morning (and I seriously debated blessing it myself since God is no respecter of persons, so why not? but I'm not getting a yes answer on that so we skipped it today) I taught the kids from a section of the Lectures on Faith that talks about how we need to know that God IS, then understand who, what, and how He is, and then to understand that we are doing what He wants us to be doing in our lives. It's not about doing what's right per se, but about doing what is right for us specifically.

Each of  my kids (me included) wrote down what we think we are doing that the Lord specifically wants us to be doing and then we wrote down what we are doing that he doesn't want us doing. Like I said before, it wasn't a "right" or "wrong" lesson. I wanted it to be a soul searching experience of knowing where we stand with God. It was pretty cool. The younger kids (9 &11) had a harder time, but it still sank in, especially with my 17 yr old. He and I actually sat down together later and studied more of The Lectures on Faith. It was so fun, so empowering. Why don't I do this more often? Why am I so lazy? Why does Satan have so much power over me that I would rather veg out and watch TV than teach my kids the gospel? Well, it changes today! I've had too many awesome experiences with Him to waste what he's given me. So from now on, when he speaks to my mind and tells me, "it's time to teach the kids this or that," I promise to turn off the TV and do it.

I would encourage everyone to sit down with their families and do this--specifically talking about The Lectures on Faith. My kids know NOTHING about that book and it was exciting to teach them that it used to be part of the D &C, that it IS the Doctrine part of the D&C! They were amazed!

I want to share with you something that was on my list. Something I do that the Lord has specifically asked me not to. Can you believe I actually do things I've been told not to? I do. All the freakin time. Basically, I waste too much time doing things that don't matter. That's what He told me. I'm throwing away the finite hours I have left of this life. And when He says it like that, I feel very small. I don't like it when He gets after me. I don't like being scolded. Not many people do I suppose.

Now, I am healing and trying to get better, but I do still have to lie down and rest frequently. Which translates to "I watch too much TV". That is one of the things He has asked me to not do. It's very clear, and yet, I keep doing it. I mean, I'm tired. Why can't I watch TV? What's so wrong with it? I sound like a teenager, right?

Well, too much of a good thing isn't healthy, whether it's food, drugs, alcohol, or television! (or other technology) It's going to be hard because I developed habit while I was sick, one of which was television, and I enjoy it. A lot. But while I'm lying down, resting, there isn't much I feel like doing, but I could. I could pick up my scriptures or read other good books. I could meditate and pray. Good grief, these are way better things than wasting time watching mindless television that most of the time is NOT uplifting or wholesome.

My invitation to any and all who read this post is to sit down and figure out if you're doing what the Lord wants YOU to do, and also to pinpoint those things you are doing that you shouldn't be. (not right or wrong, but what is not effective in your life to bring you closer to HIM) It's a way cool experience, but be ready for the answer. He might just tell you to cancel your HBO account.

Turn off that dang TV!

I have not written here in a while, and that is because I had nothing to say. It's hard to believe, I know, but I don't want to write just to make noise. I want my posts to make a difference, so I hope they do. Plus, I told the Lord that I wasn't going to write another post unless he told me specifically that I should.

Today, He told me I should.

What I'm going to chat with you about today comes from studying with my kids this morning.
Even though I've had a dramatic change of heart over the last few years, I still struggle with making myself sit down and study. And I mean study things that really matter like the Book of Mormon, Preserving the Restoration, or other "good books". I do it every Sunday, but every other day of the week... it's a real crap shoot.

Why, why, why?

Why is it so hard to commune with God even though once I start I absolutely LOVE it? When I study and pray, I feel beyond wonderful, and all of you out there who do it know what I mean. So what keeps me from doing it more often? I feel stupid saying, "Satan made me do it" (or not do it) because I have control over my own actions. At least I think so. *snicker*

I really want to share the gospel with my kids, and the Lord has specifically TOLD me to do it more often... during the week... and I don't.

My husband is out of town today, so we didn't take the sacrament this morning (and I seriously debated blessing it myself since God is no respecter of persons, so why not? but I'm not getting a yes answer on that so we skipped it today) I taught the kids from a section of the Lectures on Faith that talks about how we need to know that God is, then understand who, what, and how He is, and then to understand that we are doing what He wants us to be doing in our lives. It's not about doing what's right per se, but about doing what is right for us specifically.

Each of  my kids (me included) wrote down what we think we are doing that the Lord specifically wants us to be doing and then we wrote down what we are doing that he doesn't want us doing. Like I said before, it wasn't a "right" or "wrong" lesson. I wanted it to be a soul searching experience of knowing where we stand with God. It was pretty cool. The younger kids (9 &11) had a harder time, but it still sank in, especially with my 17 yr old. He and I actually sat down together later and studied more of The Lectures on Faith. It was so fun, so empowering. Why don't I do this more often? Why am I so lazy? Why does Satan have so much power over me that I would rather veg out and watch TV than teach my kids the gospel? Well, it changes today! I've had too many awesome experiences with Him to waste what he's given me. If he speaks to my mind and tells me, "it's time to teach the kids this or that," I promise to turn off the TV and do it.

I would encourage everyone to sit down with their families and do this--specifically talking about The Lectures on Faith. My kids know NOTHING about that book and it was exciting to teach them that it used to be part of the D &C, that it IS the Doctrine part of the D&C! They were amazed!

I want to share with you something that was on my list. Something I do that the Lord has specifically asked me not to. Can you believe I actually do things I've been told not to? I do. All the freakin time. Basically, I waste too much time doing things that don't matter. That's what He told me. I'm throwing away the finite hours I have left of this life. And when He says it like that, I feel very small. I don't like it when He gets after me. I don't like being scolded. Not many people do I suppose.

Now, I am healing and trying to get better, but I do still have to lie down and rest frequently. Which translates to "I watch too much TV". That is one of the things He has asked me to not do. It's very clear, and yet, I keep doing it. I mean, I'm tired. Why can't I watch TV? What's so wrong with it? I sound like a teenager, right?

Well, too much of a good thing isn't healthy, whether it's food, drugs, alcohol, or television! (or other technology) It's going to be hard because I developed habit while I was sick, one of which was television, and I enjoy it. A lot. But while I'm lying down, resting, there isn't much I feel like doing, but I could. I could pick up my scriptures or read other good books. I could meditate and pray. Good grief, these are way better things than wasting time watching mindless television that most of the time is NOT uplifting or wholesome.

My invitation to any and all who read this post is to sit down and figure out if you're doing what the Lord wants YOU to do, and also to pinpoint those things you are doing that you shouldn't be. (not right or wrong, but what is not effective in your life to bring you closer to HIM) It's a way cool experience, but be ready for the answer. He might just tell you to cancel your HBO account.

Going, going, gone!

Isn't it sad that the movies that lift the spirit the most are shoved under the carpet the quickest?

In a previous post I wrote about Miracles from Heaven. I loved that movie. So many good things to say about it. Today I watched, The Letters. The story of Mother Teresa.

Was there anyone who was a better example of following the Savior? I'm not sure there was... or is. How many people do you know who have left everything to LIVE among the poor and take care of them? Who gave ALL to care for the hungry, naked, and lonely?

From my youth, I've looked up to her, but as I watched this movie today, I found myself wishing I could be more like her. To have her faith, her determination, her grit.

But I don't know how to be like her. I can't drop everything and live among the poor. I have a husband and young children to take care of. Now that I know what it means to follow the Savior, I really want to. I want to teach my kids to. I can look for people to serve, but will it truly ever be like what she did? We all have our own paths to follow, but somehow I want one more like hers... sometimes.

Her life was lonely. She faced so many hardships along the way, yet saw so many miracles. She felt abandoned by the Lord at times. Can you believe that? Her, feeling abandoned? Most people only see what she did on the outside, but don't realize how she was feeling on the inside as the years moved along. She was humble and gave all credit to God, but she also was human. She cried, she ached, she mourned.

So maybe we can be like her. Someone who keeps going despite our hardships. Someone who prays in faith even when they feel their prayers aren't being heard. Someone who steps out the door to ease someone's suffering even when you're suffering yourself.

This movie is on Netflix right now, so go watch it. It will fill you with such love that you will be near bursting to share it. This is what we need more of in the world. People who want to be like Mother Teresa. People who hear the Lord's voice and stop at nothing to do what he has commanded them to do.

Like St. Francis of Assisi, this is my prayer.

The rains came down and the floods came up!

Okay, so it wasn't rain, but we still woke up to a flood this last Sunday morning.

Seriously.

We found an inch of water in our basement.

For the first time this season, we turned on our sprinklers to water our yard. It went fine, but the last zone would have been on late and our timers aren't hooked up yet. My husband decided he didn't want to stay up til midnight and that he'd just get up early the next morning to water the last zone.

A glue joint failed in the sprinkler line and blew apart. A one inch line with a hundred pounds of pressure. Yep. A flood.

My husband woke me up out of a sound sleep at 7:15 AM, and I have a really hard time waking up fast. It's left over ridiculousness from my past illness. Normally, I have to lie in bed and drink water and detox tea for about 20 minutes to a half hour before I can get up and go. So, in a stupor, I stumbled down the stairs to have my feet squish into the lake that was my carpet.

This is no way for a morning-challenged individual to wake up.

I made my way to the back bedroom where my husband was firing orders and helping my 16 yr old son empty his room. In the beginning, tempers were short and everyone was bleary-eyed and confused. If it were a fire, I don't think--as a family--we'd make it. We'd be too dang slow getting out of the house.

In my son's room, water was streaming in through the base of his window. I looked out between the slats of the blinds to see the window-well half full of water. A lake really. I turned to my husband and asked, "Shouldn't we take care of this first?" It seemed comical to see him with the shop-vac, sucking up water from the carpet, when there was at least twenty gallons--or probably more--of water left in the window well.

I think as humans, we do this often. Focus on the wrong thing, thinking we're solving our problem, when really, all we need to do is turn a few degrees to see what we really need to work on.

Lucky for me, my husband is a plumbing contractor and he already had a pump, pumping water from the window. Dang, he's good! He was the only one who had a working brain that early.

We spent the rest of the day emptying three bedrooms, pulling up carpet and padding, taking it out to the truck to go to the dump, and taking our belongings out to the back lawn to dry (blankets, clothes, and part of one mattress was wet)

Here's the cool thing, and it's something my husband brought up to me. We were SO lucky! It could have been so much worse! Most of our stuff was already in rubber totes and off the floor. The ONLY thing that is probably totally ruined is my son's iPad that he had lying on the floor next to his bed--oh, and his scriptures, which I'm now trying to dry. We seriously couldn't believe it. Even my cedar chest, which was against a wall that had flooding around it, was only damp on the very bottom!! Nothing was harmed on the inside AT ALL! And I'm talking keepsakes, one-hundred year old family bibles, pictures of ancestors, old letters etc...

We also pulled together to work in harmony--for the most part--and it was something I really prayed for first thing in the morning, because it was really hard to feel cheerful, and everyone was a little ornery. Understandably. But we got along, everyone helping, and I realized there is hope for mankind. If we can make it happen under that kind of stress, anyone can.

And then there is the miraculous fact that my husband felt like waiting to water the last zone until the morning, and that he even remembered to get up early, that it was only an inch of water and not a foot! And who knows how long it was running? And that the only thing ruined was an iPad! Wow! We feel so blessed.

Just because you are doing your best, trying to always choose the right, trying to deepen your relationship with the Savior, doesn't mead bad things won't happen to you. Sometimes terrible things. What the Lord does, is help you through it. He'll inspire your mind to wake up early, or tell you to wait until morning to finish watering.

Do we hear that little voice in our head and think it's the Holy Ghost or do we just assume it's our own mind, droning on in that boring monotone voice we've become accustomed to? My husband and I have learned to not ignore that voice or those gut feelings that have saved our bacon more than once.

Yeah, we all go through bad things, but if He can, He'll try to make it as easy on us as possible, because we'll all walk through hills and valleys in this life--and sometimes even the shadow of death--but He is always with us if we open our eyes to see Him.

His yoke is easy and his burden is light.

A prophet! A prophet! We don't need another prophet!

I frequently go a spiritual healer and she has become a close friend, someone amazing who has done SO much to help me on my road to healing... physically and spiritually. I would even go so far as to call her a prophetess of sorts.

We don't put much stock in spiritual healers in the Church, and she (let's call her Maggie) is LDS, although I would call her fringe LDS because of what she does and teaches. Even so, her testimony in the "Church" is still rock solid. It's the only place we really differ in our opinions, but that's okay. She's living her truth and I'm living mine. If you want to know how two different truths can be true at the same time, read this AWESOME post about "truths" from Journey to the Fullness. 

Our daughters became friends at the charter school we both send our kids to and they wanted to get together and hang out, so I called Maggie who I didn't know at all, wanting to introduce myself. I was still very sick at the time and did not want to drive a lot and hoped she'd bring her daughter to our house. She asked about my illness and then offered her services. She is a licensed Naturopath as well as having a degree in physics and I think something else, I think. She's pretty dang smart.

The last thing I wanted was another doctor and I told her I was happy with mine. She said, "I'm not that kind of doctor." I didn't know at the time that she was a doctor of the spirit, which honestly, I'd never heard of. She kept pressing me, so I relented. I later learned that she'd felt really impressed to meet with me. She does accept pay, because she does this for her living, but she doesn't put a price on it. She tells people to pay either what they can afford or what the Spirit tells them to.

Long story short, she has taught me some amazing things. Some of which I had to go home and really study and pray about. You see, our minds, traditions, and habits, often don't LET us think past what we already know. Some things are just too impossible, too far fetched or difficult to understand. I find this happens all the time, even with the people who have left the LDS faith in search of higher truth and light. Some still can't wrap their minds around things that are too "far out" to grasp. Even when the Spirit whispers it's true. It's like reading Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith or reading the Lectures on Faith for the first time. It blows our minds that OUR beloved prophet would teach such wild, "out there" things.

Maggie has taught me how to cast out devils, demons, dark spirits etc... and what their differences are and why they get attached to us (and we ALL have spirits attached to us, which is why the Savior spent so much time casting out evil spirits while he was here). She taught me how to make sure I am connected to the REAL Jesus Christ. There are a lot of bad guys out there, ready and willing to be "your" savior and some people get connected to them and then wonder why when they raise their arm to the square to make an evil spirit leave, it doesn't work.

She taught me that you have to use "qualifiers" when you do things in Jesus' name to let everyone and every "thing" know you are talking about THE Jesus Christ. Qualifiers are other names the Savior goes by, like the Holy one of Israel, Alpha and Omega, the Great I am, The Son of God, Savior of the world etc... So, in other words, when casting out evil spirits you'd say something like...

"In the name of Jesus Christ, the Holy One of Israel, the Son of God, I command all evil spirits, demons, and devils to depart. I ask Heavenly Father to send holy angels to escort these spirits to wherever they need to go, and to fill that vacuum they leave behind with light and healing, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

We do not need the priesthood to cast out evil spirits, just faith and the power Jesus lends us. He expects us to do these things and yet they've been forgotten. When was the last time you saw someone cast out an evil spirit in Gospel Doctrine class? That would be one class I would attend!

When my son was on his mission, he had the opportunity to do this. He and his comp went to the Elder's Quorum prsident's house one evening. The guy lived in a house with a bunch of other people, because they were poor and were pooling their resources. In the back room there was a man lying naked on the table, thrashing and looking totally possessed (Think The Exorcist. Seriously.)

Immediately my son had a powerful feeling to put his hands on the man and command the evil spirits to come out. It terrified him to do it, but Maggie and I had taught him how and he had the faith and ability, so he did. He placed one hand on the guy and the other to the square, and in Jesus Christ's name, voiced the command. My son's companion had gotten totally wigged out before this and had fled the house before my son had time to do anything, so he was alone with the EQ pres and this wigged out stranger.

The guy stopped thrashing immediately. He jumped off the table, his wits having come back to him once again, and grabbed a blanket to wrap around himself. He said he was freezing and to call an ambulance. He'd been doing drugs, you see. Drugs and alcohol give easy access to bad spirits who want inside us.

Anyway, my son told me that it was an amazing and powerful experience that gave him a firm testimony of the power the Savior holds over demons.

Evil spirits will frequently be drawn back to their "victim" under certain circumstances and Maggie has taught me the different techniques that need to be done to keep them away, healing through energy and prayer. Everything physical leaves a spiritual footprint. Both need to be healed to be completely overcome.

There is so much more to the world of spirits than we are aware of and yet it is very real. We can become connected to spirits and unseen worlds when we become addicted to things like video games, drugs and alcohol, or suffer abuse. There is so much information that I can't even begin to share it all. Maggie puts on seminars and lectures to teach others how to do these things themselves and has a great mission to get this information out there. It's hard work and she's busy doing these things almost 24/7.

If you have addictions you can't overcome, demons that haunt you, anger issues you can't get rid of or understand, or any other issue that plagues you, she can help. If you can't come to her house, she uses Skype. She and her husband help people all over the world! It can get pretty deep and heavy, and some people have a hard time with what she teaches, but whenever I have difficulty doing or believing something, I come home, study and pray about it, and ten the Spirit usually whispers that she was correct after all.

What she is doing is absolutely what the Savior wants her doing. Of that I have no doubt. I am so grateful there are people here on Earth who have this kind of knowledge, who can help those of us who don't.

If you want more info, let me know.

The Lord told you to WHAT???

Not long ago, one Sunday morning, I woke up and felt like we should take our kids to see the movie, Miracles from Heaven. It had just come out and I'd heard good things about it, but hadn't decided on a day to go see it.

Our Sundays are so peaceful now that we've quit going to church. It used to seem like World War Three trying to get everyone ready on time. I don't know why there was so much contention. Maybe we're more argumentative in our home than other families. Who knows? I'd like to think we aren't that different, but we do have two teenagers living here, so that tells you something.

Anyway, as the day progressed, and after we'd had our own little worship service, I felt impressed again that we should take our kids to see that movie. Now, I am still steeped in quite a few past traditions I was raised with, one of those being, you DON'T go to movies on Sunday.

I turned to my husband, who was sitting on the bed next to me, and asked how he'd feel about going to see that movie today. He shrugged and said it didn't matter to him. You see, he wasn't raised in the church and had never become fully entrenched in the LDS traditions, and there were a lot of things he didn't agree with during the time of his "active" status. At the time, I took what I could get and I was just grateful he'd be active with me at all--and he was... for 13 long years without a complaint.

I decided to pray about it--which has become my go-to about anything I don't "get". I got the same answer. "Take your kids to see this movie and take them today." I answered by saying that it wasn't keeping the Sabbath day holy to go to the movies on Sunday, and the Spirit, who is ever patient with me, repeated himself.

So, with my heart fluttering in fear--because seriously folks--it was scary doing something like this that I had been taught from my first moments of life--was wrong. We hopped in the car and went to the theater!

I actually hoped I wouldn't see anyone else I knew there! How stupid, since if I did see someone I knew, they'd be "sinning" too! We all settled into our seats with our treats and I remember having this totally giddy feeling. I can't really describe it other than to say I felt so good, so free, so happy, being there. Like this was "right". Even though I'd fought my traditions the whole way, I knew we were being obedient.

There aren't words to describe how I felt during that movie, how "moving" it was for all of us. There wasn't a dry eye in the house, especially mine. If you haven't seen it, rent it for sure! It's not in theaters anymore, but it might be out in DVD.

But that's not the end of this cool adventure. The Lord wasn't through teaching me! 

On the ride home, we were all so happy, giggling even, talking about our favorite parts of the show, when my 14 yr old daughter said to me, "I'd like a cross necklace of my own. Like the girl in the movie."

My heart stopped right there! We don't wear crosses in our church! Wait a minute. I'm not in that church anymore. I don't need to abide by it's rules... or did I on this one?

If you haven't seen it, there is a scene where the main character, a very sick little girl who is dying of a rare digestive illness, takes off her cross necklace. Her mom hangs it on the IV pole as she's about to go to have an MRI. Her roommate, another very sick little girl who has cancer, asks her why she wears the cross. (she's atheist and has no idea what the cross represents to the little girl)  The girl, (sorry, I can't remember names) with the stomach problems says... and here's the part I love... "I wear it because it reminds me that God is always with me."

Such a powerful moment in the movie. 

My knee jerk reaction to my daughter was to tell her no, but the spirit stopped me, asking me, "What's wrong with wearing a cross?" Well, the reason the church gave me from the time I could speak didn't seem like a valid reason to me anymore. Yes, we focus on Christ's life and not his death, yada, yada, yada, but I had the feeling that there was more to it. Of course, He didn't just give me the answers. I had to figure it out for myself. 

I texted Adrien Larsen and asked him if he knew. He wasn't totally sure, but did tell me that the cross was common decor in early LDS church buildings and that it's use diminished in the early 1900's because of cultural belief. 

So, I dove in, looking up where our aversion to the cross came from. I learned that it did start in the early 1900's with a president of the church (seriously can't remember which one now. You'll have to look it up if you want the details. I told you I had serious memory issues! LOL) who didn't want us associated with the Catholic Church AT ALL. He publicly called them the Whore of all the Earth and started the new rule that we should not wear crosses anymore--that it was the mark of the beast! I learned in my research that many early apostles were buried with a cross on their caskets. Wow! Here is an interesting article I found in my research. Read it at your leisure HERE.

And if Joseph Smith didn't have an issue with the cross, then I wouldn't either anymore! 

Easier said than done.

I prayed about what I'd learned, asking for the Lord's advice at this point. He told me that if my daughter wanted a cross, and it made her think of Him, and reminded her that He was ALWAYS with her, then she should wear it. The cross is the universal symbol of Christianity and if one person wants to give it the meaning of death, torture, and agony, that's their prerogative. If it means to someone else, life, resurrection, and the sacrifice of the Lord, then great!

I told my daughter she could absolutely have a cross and we went about the job of finding the perfect one. She now wears it all the time. She loves it and it makes her feel connected to the Savior in a way she needed. 

I own a cross too. I've owned it from the time I was born. My aunt, who belonged to some Pentecostal church I don't remember the name of, gave it to me at the time of my birth. It's meant for a newborn, so the cross is tiny, silver, and extremely beautiful. I never wore it once in 45 years. I wear it all the time now. 

Here's the thing. I still have hangups about wearing it. I'm trying to get over them, but I feel self conscious when I have it on, wondering what my "Mormon" friends will think if they see me. I used to be one of them. I know how it is. I know how they think, and I don't like people condemning me. (yes, it's one of my weaknesses. I'm well aware). 

We are all SO judgmental. It's automatic. Even among those of us who have left the church in search of more truth and light. We pick each other apart if we don't understand another's witness. I mean, how do you argue when someone says, "the Lord told me to do this?" How can we say, "No he didn't! He'd never say that!" How do we know what he'd say? 

"My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts." (something to remember)

My cross means a few different things to me. It reminds me that the Lord is always with me. It reminds me of his sacrifice. It reminds me of all I left behind when I left the church. The good and the bad. It reminds me of what I'm searching for and hoping to find--A face to face with the Savior. And last of all, it reminds me of how much I used to judge people who were different from me, how much I still judge people, and how I hope to stop doing that. The Lord teaches us all in individual ways. He gives us the lessons we need in the way we need them. 

Let's cast off our judgments and just love one another... it's one of the greatest commandments, after all.