His Promise

My 40 day fast is more than half over and I am amazed at how wonderful it has been.

Today I sat down, took my sacrament, and asked the Lord what He wanted me to study. It was very clear. The words D&C came to mind. I said, "Okay, which section?" And then just as clearly the numbers 88 appeared in my mind. I hadn't read that section for a while and because I have memory issues, I couldn't even remember what it was about. But I remembered it was LONG, and I had the distinct impression to read all of it.

How beautiful are the words of section 88!! I can't even tell you how much they filled me. The whole thing is now marked up beautifully with my pink colored pencil to remind me of those verses that I felt were speaking right to me. Here are a few that pierced me to the core.

2. Behold this is pleasing unto your Lord, and the angels rejoice over you; the alms of your prayers have come up unto the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded in the book of the names of the sanctified, even them of the celestial world.

I don't know if this verse touches you like it did me, but I felt the Lord saying this, that my prayers had come up to HIM! That my prayers are being recorded. (and that is what I felt he was saying directly to me) It brings tears to my eyes even now.

11. And the light which shineth, which giveth you light is through him who enlighteneth YOUR eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth YOUR understanding. 

 I have experienced this over the last month. My understanding has deepened, my eyes have been opened. Inspiration comes quickly and clearly.

The next two pages are about the three degrees of glory, are beautiful and should be studied in depth, because there are gems there that I've missed in the past, things that mean something to me deeply that I never remembered reading before. (but we all know how well I remember LOL) But I won't share them all.

49. The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not; nevertheless, the day shall come when YOU shall comprehend even God, being quickened in him and by him. 50. Then shall YE know that YE have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in YOU, and that YOU are in me; otherwise YE could not abound.

Now, remember, these verses felt like they were being spoken directly to me. Not to a bunch of people that lived a hundred and fifty years ago, who heard them first. (which is why I made the "yous" large, so hopefully they'd speak to YOU too. This is one of the things that has meant so much to me in my recent studies. Even though these scriptures are written for all people and many times read to large groups, these words feel personal, just for me, and I feel this deep in my heart as though the Lord is standing right before me, saying them to my face. It's powerful and amazing.

62. And again, I say unto you, my friends, I leave these sayings with you to ponder in your hearts, with this COMMANDMENT which I give unto you, that ye SHALL call upon me while I am near--63. Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 64. Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name,  it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you;

I LOVE this! It speaks straight to my heart. Do you feel it too? Do you hear it? This promise? The promise I've been searching for! The promise that I can and will have my second comforter if I stay on this path. And did you get that it is also a commandment to call upon Him? Do we even realize it's a commandment? We often feel it's an invitation, but it's not. He is our God! We MUST call upon him and worship him. He wants us to. He's begging us to.

67. And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.

This is my goal. To be filled with his light. All the time. I haven't figured out how to do that, to be filled with light all the time. I find myself easily annoyed or irritated by the little things life throws at me, but now the recognition that I'm being that way is instant. It's like the Lord has a magnifying glass on me all the time and not one second goes by before I know I'm misbehaving in some way and that I need to repent. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Not if I want to progress quickly, and He wants me to progress quickly, so I'll stick with the magnifying glass.

78. Teach ye diligently and my grace shall attend you, that you may be instructed more perfectly in theory, in principle, in doctrine, in the law of the gospel, in all things that pertain unto the kingdom of God, that are expedient for you to understand; 79. Of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are now on the land; and knowledge also of countries of of kingdoms--80. That ye may be prepared in all things...

 The only people I'm really teaching anymore are my children. I used to be a Gospel Doctrine teacher and I loved that job, but now I can only influence my kids and husband, but I feel that on this day, at this time, that is what this scripture is telling me. To teach my family about these things. It felt personal and it was easy to understand. They don't study as much as I do and they won't learn this anywhere else. It's my job, no, my responsibility, to teach my family the things I am learning and instill in them the desire to search them out for themselves too. I pray it happens for them, that they learn to love the Lord as much as I do now. My heart absolutely sings when I think of Him. I can't wait to see Him. To touch Him. To hug Him. To learn from Him. It is my greatest desire.

The next verses talk about the future, about what will happen before He comes. The earthquakes, flooding and fear that will fill men's hearts, and that we need to be ready. The trumps will sounds, angels will call forth the righteous, Satan's army will fight against Michael's. We learn in this chapter who wins, and I wish we could just skip that part since we know the outcome anyway, but everyone must have a chance to prove themselves. And then comes one of my favorite verses.

118. And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yeah, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.

 How beautiful are these words? Seek learning by study and faith. That is what I am doing. Right now. And I can't tell you how much I've learned or how quickly it's happening. To see the Lord takes effort on our part. We have to prove to Him that He is the only thing that matters. Are we willing to sacrifice all to know him?

What is ALL to you? Time with your family? Time at your job? Time in front of the TV? Are you willing to skip Game of Thrones to know Him? Facebook? Youtube? All these things are distractions that keep you from growing close to the Lord. Are they bad in and of themselves? No. Okay, maybe Game of Thrones is. LOL I've never seen that show, but I know it's super popular and there are other shows I do love to watch, so I get it. These things take up precious time we could be using to search out Jesus, or visions, or angels, or taking the sacrament. I don't say this to make you feel guilty, like you're aren't doing or being "good" enough, but are you?

I used to feel bad for watching so much TV when I could be doing something more useful or constructive, but until I had a catalyst, this fast, I couldn't seem to make myself stop. Now it's like a tidal wave of knowledge has started to wash over me. It will happen for you too, if you want it to, and that's the crux of it, isn't it. DO YOU WANT TO? Actions speak louder than words and if you continue to let yourself be distracted by other "good" things, then your answer is NO, you don't want to.

Letting Go and Accepting What Is

Have you ever forgotten a password or username for some account you use? Did you rant and rave, pull your hair out or want to throw your computer against the wall? After that, did you bargain and plead with God to help you to understand the problem only to face more frustration? (are you recognizing the 5 stages of grief here? LOL)

I recently did some serious in depth cleaning of my computer since it wasn't behaving and the cleansing period erased some important things. Like hints at what the password and email were for a certain google account.

The one that affects this blog.

I hadn't posted for a while, because I wait for the Lord to tell me to, so it's easy to forget little things like passwords or whole freakin' email addresses when my computer erases them. Anyway, a few days ago I felt like I might want to write, and when I tried to log on I couldn't. My password and user ID did not match... according to Google.

I KNEW I was doing it right. I was right, right, right! I had my password! I could remember it, dang it. After that, I tried every password I could ever remember using. NOTHING worked. After a couple of days of battle I tried to contact Google but they don't pay people to help recover accounts from forgetful people and my attempts at logging in always ended the same way.

After a week of talking to google "volunteers" and trying to figure it out, and after a solid week of praying and asking for the Lord's help, and not getting it... for SEVEN days, I finally let go. I finally accepted that I might not recover this account, ie this blog. Ever. It might have to be abandoned. And it was finally okay. I could let go, because the Lord was in control. He had already whispered to my mind that if He wanted me to keep blogging, things would work out and I needed to have faith and wait on Him.

Then, this morning, I thought I'd try one more time, just for curiosity's sake and what do you know? Loud and clear, the mistake I'd made was revealed to my mind. I REMEMBERED what I did wrong. I'd forgotten my own email address, or at least a couple numbers at the end, and it wasn't until I had given up, given in, and calmed my mind, that He could tell me my mistake.

As soon as I typed in the correct email, everything went through just fine. I now sit here in awe and amazement, listening to my kids argue out in the living room, but I'm not going to let that affect me. I've just experienced something otherworldly. The Lord spoke to my mind. His words were clear. "You forgot the 01 in the email address." I responded with, "Are you serious? I've been miserable all week, trying to figure this out, beating myself up for being so stupid, and THIS is what was wrong all this time?? Why didn't You tell me sooner!!"

Well, I suppose it's because the Still Small Voice couldn't get through my manic panic. It occurs to me that this is how things work in all aspects of our lives. How often do we miss the message because our thoughts are too loud? How often do we pray, demanding, tell me how to fix this!, over and over, and hear no answer? I really tried to hear. I wanted to get my blog back like you couldn't believe, but it wasn't until I was willing to sacrifice this blog, to give it up, to give it all to Him, that He finally spoke to me in a way I could hear and understand.

This is the pattern of my life. Seriously.

But dang, it was cool and my heart is so full!

The moral of the story is....