You Said WHAT?

It has been two weeks since I started my 40 day fast and I must say, it has been quite the ride. As some of you know, if you read my last post, I decided to fast from TV, which I thought would be SO hard, since the temptation is only a few feet away on my wall.

Surprisingly, it's been easy. And when the kids or my husband want to watch a show, I go to my room, turn on my lamps and my Christian rock and snuggle up on my bed, and study. It has become a calming and peaceful way of life, and I am hoping I don't slide backwards when my 40 days are up.

I want to share a couple of things that have happened since I started the fast. Things that have blown my mind and shifted my paradigm so drastically, that I am honestly kind of afraid to share them. I worry that people won't understand. That they'll judge me harshly, but at the same time, I feel as though it's okay to share. That I should share.

On the very first day of my fast, the Spirit was so strong as I prayed, that I sobbed and sobbed, begging the Lord to forgive me of my numerous sins and to show me his face. More than anything, I wanted to be in his presence. That it was the goal of my fast and to tell me how to do it.

It was a beautiful moment even though He didn't appear or take me to him. (which I didn't expect, but did hope for.) I asked the Lord to tell me what I should start out with--where I should begin my study. I had no idea where to start, but immediately I felt led to the blog, (not during my prayer but very soon after) Pure Revelations. I knew immediately the Lord wanted me to study every entry and so I did.

What powerful words of inspiration I found there!! It was just want I needed! Just what I asked for! It almost seemed miraculous, but I've come to expect the miraculous since I started this journey. Here I am fasting to receive my second comforter and I find a blog where someone has written a book called, "How to Have Your Second Comforter"!! I downloaded the book and it has absolutely changed my life. Completely. You can find it here.

I have been following this author's counsel ever since.

One of the things (I'm going to call the author Jonathan) Jonathan does is have a "holy" time, three or more times a week, with the Lord. He goes into the privacy of his room or closet and always starts with the sacrament, blessing it himself (obviously). I wanted to have experiences like Jonathon also. SO BAD!! But I'm a girl and my husband is seldom around when I want to have this kind of experience. Plus, I'm doing this fast alone and so I prayed for a solution.

I prayed and prayed, asking the Lord what I should do. The words were clear and precise in my head. He told me to bless the sacrament myself. I couldn't have heard right. I literally recoiled at the thought! I'm a woman! I can't bless the sacrament! I'd be struck by lightning! But the words came again. Bless it yourself.

I have spoken with the Lord my whole life and really feel I know the sound of his voice, but even still, I just couldn't bless my own sacrament. Everyone is deceived at times, so I prayed even harder to have the adversary expelled from me and my home, that I would be shielded from any unclean thing during my prayer time. And then I prayed again, getting the same answer.

I decided to muscle test. I learned the art of muscle testing years ago and use it frequently. I have since learned it is a good way for your spirit, which carries a record of all truth from the pre-existence, especially when combined with The Holy Spirit, to tell you what you should and shouldn't do (especially if you're doubting that voice in your head). You're body can't lie. We try to make it lie. Oh, do we humans go to great lengths to get it to lie, but it can't. From micro-expressions to muscle testing, your body always tells the truth.

Anyway, I muscled tested over and over in various ways, trying to get an answer that said, "No, you can't bless your own sacrament, you stupid girl!" But that answer never came. It was always the same. Bless your sacrament. After all this, I prayed again, asking if that was really the right answer, because I didn't want to make a mistake and offend the Lord. I can still feel His words in my mind saying, "How many different ways do I have to say it before you'll believe me?" He also said, it's just a prayer. A prayer that makes no reference to priesthood or authority and I could say it for myself. I decided I had my answer even though it went against everything I was ever taught. That said, I decided to trust in the Lord. I have a very thick skull and the Lord has to go to great lengths at times to get me to understand!

I was so afraid, because even though I'd gotten a yes answer, it still felt wrong! I truly feel that Satan DIDN'T want me to do this, and that he also was going to great lengths to stop me, to make me doubt myself and the Lord. But I pushed through, trusting that loving voice that has never led me astray. I knelt down by my bed, my sacrament before me, and prayed, using the same words as Jonathan (in his book he said he changed the words to "I" and "me" instead of "us" and "we") I felt so connected to God. So loved. The spirit was very strong.

Since that day, I have had my "holy" time with the Lord almost every day. I devour whatever he tells me to study. One day it was Psalms. I'd NEVER studied Psalms and didn't really want to, but the Lord's voice was insistent. I learned some amazing things from that record!! Who woulda thunk it?

I'm studying The Words of Joseph Smith now and learning some wonderful truths there. I hope to dive deeper and learn more every day, growing closer to the Lord as I do. This fast has been an amazing experience and it has only been two weeks! I have not received my Second Comforter yet, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will, but I'll keep hoping and praying and trying to do ALL THINGS the Lord commands me. No matter how crazy or uncomfortable.

The Little Things Matter

I had an interesting experience this last week. One of those experiences that when looking back on it, makes your whole soul want to sing, because you realize that those little things DO matter. That God IS watching over you and He DOES care how your life turns out. How your children's lives turn out.

My sister, who lives almost an hour away texted me last week, inviting me to her daughter's piano recital in two days. I don't go down to her house much anymore for a variety of reasons. Partly because the drive is hard on my body and the anxiety of driving exhausts me. (left over stuff from Lyme) and my sister and I don't have much in common anymore. We have very different values and ethics, and there are times when I don't want my kids around it. I'd rather just stay home and do my thing.

But she is letting my son live at her house while he's going to school and looking for a place of his own, (which is a whole 'nother subject I'm not totally comfortable with) and she has been very loving and generous to him and my other children.

Her daughter's recital was at seven in the evening. ON A SCHOOL NIGHT! That alone was enough to stop me. I don't like going anywhere in the evening. I'm dead by then AND I'm night blind. But for some reason the Spirit told me to go. Over and over, constantly nagging, nagging, nagging, until finally I gave up and promised I would!

I didn't understand it. I didn't want to, and for two days I kept trying to think of excuses to give my sister for why I couldn't go. In fact, originally, when I'd answered her, I told her we had something already going on that afternoon but that I'd love to go, meaning I was sorry I couldn't go. But obviously I didn't write that clearly, because she took it to mean we were coming! I didn't have the heart to retract my answer and with the Spirit constantly telling me I should go, I just pulled myself up by the bootstraps, mentally preparing myself for the torture of the drive.

Well... let me just say... I have never been to a piano recital (and I've been to hundreds. I've played my whole life and even taught for a few years) where EVERY student played like a virtuoso and they were all super young!!! Seriously. I sat there floored and amazed the whole time. The teacher is pricey, but she has a year long waiting list of kids trying to get in with her! Wow! I wanted my kids to have a teacher like that! Every song was well played and beautiful and the teacher didn't just pick the classics. Some students played rock pieces and some new age.

At he end of the recital, my nine year old turned to me and said, "I want to take piano from THAT teacher!"

I almost busted up laughing and tried not to be offended, because I'd just started teaching him and my other son (12) a few weeks ago, feeling guilty that I was letting so much time pass without developing this talent and I KNEW they had the talent. But I'm a "tired" teacher, still struggling with liver issues, still having a hard time feeling good. I'm probably no fun.

The next day I pondered and pondered and felt strongly to ask my town's facebook classifieds page if any of them new of a good piano teacher in town. Long story short, my boys start Tuesday with an amazing lady who I spent quite a bit of time talking with. She's a little pricey also, but will be worth it. I feel really good about her, like she's "the one".

Now, ever since I've told the boys they're taking with this new, amazing teacher, they have been walking on cloud nine. (crazy, I know, but they're young and don't know any better. *snicker*) And even this morning my 9 yr old son came into my room and thanked me profusely for signing him up.

The Spirit has since told me I was supposed to go to the recital to see all those amazing students and to get excited about signing my boys up with their own teacher. It would never have happened otherwise. We would have just kept on going the way we were and then that pebble that was supposed to be dropped into the pond would never had made all those ripples it needed to.

Let this be a testimony to everyone, that God DOES care about the little things. The choices we make and the talents we develop matter. As a mother, my responsibility here is clear, and I am SO grateful I listened.

The Little Things Matter

I had an interesting experience this last week. One of those experiences that when looking back on it, makes your whole soul want to sing, because you realize that those little things DO matter. That God IS watching over you and He DOES care how your life turns out. How your children's lives turn out.

My sister, who lives almost an hour away texted me last week, inviting me to her daughter's piano recital in two days. I don't go down to her house much anymore for a variety of reasons. Partly because the drive is hard on my body and the anxiety of driving exhausts me. (left over stuff from Lyme) and my sister and I don't have much in common anymore. We have very different values and ethics, and there are times when I don't want my kids around it. I'd rather just stay home and do my thing.

But she is letting my son live at her house while he's going to school and looking for a place of his own, (which is a whole 'nother subject I'm not totally comfortable with) and she has been very loving and generous to him and my other children.

Her daughter's recital was at seven in the evening. ON A SCHOOL NIGHT! That alone was enough to stop me. I don't like going anywhere in the evening. I'm dead by then AND I'm night blind. But for some reason the Spirit told me to go. Over and over, constantly nagging, nagging, nagging, until finally I gave up and promised I would!

I didn't understand it. I didn't want to, and for two days I kept trying to think of excuses to give my sister for why I couldn't go. In fact, originally, when I'd answered her, I told her we had something already going on that afternoon but that I'd love to go, meaning I was sorry I couldn't go. But obviously I didn't write that clearly, because she took it to mean we were coming! I didn't have the heart to retract my answer and with the Spirit constantly telling me I should go, I just pulled myself up by the bootstraps, mentally preparing myself for the torture of the drive.

Well... let me just say... I have never been to a piano recital (and I've been to hundreds. I've played my whole life and even taught for a few years) where EVERY student played like a virtuoso and they were all super young!!! Seriously. I sat there floored and amazed the whole time. The teacher is pricey, but she has a year long waiting list of kids trying to get in with her! Wow! I wanted my kids to have a teacher like that! Every song was well played and beautiful and the teacher didn't just pick the classics. Some students played rock pieces and some new age.

At he end of the recital, my nine year old turned to me and said, "I want to take piano from THAT teacher!"

I almost busted up laughing and tried not to be offended, because I'd just started teaching him and my other son (12) a few weeks ago, feeling guilty that I was letting so much time pass without developing this talent and I KNEW they had the talent. But I'm a "tired" teacher, still struggling with liver issues, still having a hard time feeling good. I'm probably no fun.

The next day I pondered and pondered and felt strongly to ask my town's facebook classifieds page if any of them new of a good piano teacher in town. Long story short, my boys start Tuesday with an amazing lady who I spent quite a bit of time talking with. She's a little pricey also, but will be worth it. I feel really good about her, like she's "the one".

Now, ever since I've told the boys they're taking with this new, amazing teacher, they have been walking on cloud nine. (crazy, I know, but they're young and don't know any better. *snicker*) And even this morning my 9 yr old son came into my room and thanked me profusely for signing him up.

The Spirit has since told me I was supposed to go to the recital to see all those amazing students and to get excited about signing my boys up with their own teacher. It would never have happened otherwise. We would have just kept on going the way we were and then that pebble that was supposed to be dropped into the pond would never had made all those ripples it needed to.

Let this be a testimony to everyone, that God DOES care about the little things. The choices we make and the talents we develop matter. As a mother, my responsibility here is clear, and I am SO grateful I listened.