Seek First My Word

After my study time today, I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes, trying to get in the most comfortable position possible. Today was going to be the day, and I had time, so I wanted to be comfy. I then began to plead with the Lord to come visit me... or take me to him. Either way, I was good.

I lay there begging for a few minutes, feeling that it just wasn't fair that this process took so long, and could possibly take years. How much "better" did I have to be? How much more obedient? I don't know what else to do or how to "fix" me so I'd be "good" enough.

Thoughts began to enter my mind and the feeling behind them was somewhat humorous. Not like He was laughing at me, but chuckling at how impatient and dramatic I can be. And I do have a flair for the dramatic. But I have also been very sincere in my desire and so is He. He told me it wasn't about being good enough, it was that I wasn't ready.

Ready? Seriously? I'm am ready! Totally ready!

And then He said that "ready" wasn't the right word. I got the feeling that it can be difficult to communicate the right words as language can sometimes be a barrier, or maybe it's that my vocabulary is too small. LOL Anyway, then the word "experience" came into my mind. He told me I needed more experience with spiritual things and that it would happen at the right time. These things can't be forced or rushed.

So, in other words, spiritually speaking, I'm still finishing up with milk. Maybe it's even milk with toast! But I can't have the really tough meat yet. I'm certainly not where I used to be when I was actively going to the LDS church. I have progressed by leaps and bounds, but it was as if He were saying, "there is more in store for you, so let's get crackin'."

Today, He told me that we (and I'm not sure if it's just my family, everyone, or who) are not using the scriptures enough.

I read A LOT of blogs. I LOVE studying others' words and learning about what they're studying. I LOVE reading books. I have many books on my shelf, written by a variety of people, but for some reason I always procrastinate reading the actual scriptures.

A few days ago He told me to "obtain his word, by studying the scriptures." It was pretty clear, and has been throughout this forty-day fast. Every time I ask what I should study, it is always some place in the scriptures. Usually books I'd NEVER think to study on my own, usually the Old Testament. Yesterday it was Micah. I wasn't even sure I remembered if there was a book in the Bible called Micah, but there is. Obviously. Because I studied it. It does exist and is all about future events. So fascinating.

He told me to read Alma 13-14 today. I thought it was odd, because I'd read those chapters not long ago with my kids, but I obeyed. And two verses in particular caught my attention, and maybe He was just speaking to me, trying to get the message across, but maybe the message if for you too. Here's what I learned...

In Alma 13:20, (and not the whole verse, just part of it is what he wanted me to notice. I'll highlight it.)

Now I need not rehearse the matter; what I have said may suffice. Behold, the scriptures are before you; if ye will wrest them it shall be to your own destruction.

I got the distinct feeling that I needed to pay attention to those words. I'd always thought wresting was the same as wrestling with the scriptures or something similar, meaning you were doing your darndest to learn and understand. So I cross-referenced with Alma 41:1, and that's NOT what it means.

Alma 41:1 And now, my son, I have somewhat to say concerning the restoration of which has been spoken; for behold, some have wrested the scriptures, and have gone far astray because of this thing...

The Oxford English Dictionary gives us the most common meaning of the verb “to wrest” during the production of the King James Version of the Bible — the almost certain source for English phrases regarding wresting the scriptures, whether found in the Bible or in Mormon texts is:

To strain or over-strain the meaning or bearing of (a writing, passage, word, etc.); to deflect or turn from the true or proper signification; to twist, pervert.

In other words, you better not misinterpret the scriptures and think it's the truth, let alone teach that untruth to others. Your reward will be condemnation. That's some pretty serious stuff. It happened all the time at church. All the more reason to "obtain his word" directly for him. Let the Holy Ghost guide you, but even then, there have been times when I did't understand a passage, or I thought the HG was telling me something and then found out I was wrong. This learning curve is tricky.

The important thing is we NEED to be studying the actual scriptures. Not just blogs, articles, or facebook posts. We NEED to have a quiet, thoughtful time every day, with the Lord, studying His actual words. If we are confused, we have to DIG for answers. I'd never tried to figure out what "wrest" meant. Today I did. I had to. I was too stumped and it was bugging me. I had to know.

And then I continued my studies, reading...

Alma 14:1 And it came to pass after he had made an end of speaking unto the people many of them did believe on his words, and began to repent and to search the scriptures.  

If the importance of the first verse didn't get through, this second one did. Loud and clear. I just stopped and stared at the words. The people had their own scriptures? I've been a part of discussions where we debated on if the BoM people had their own, personal records, or if only the prophet did etc... This tells me they did! The people believed Alma's words and started studying on their own! Just like we are supposed to. Many have read Denver Snuffer's words. They have seen him speak. They gobble up his books, and there's nothing wrong with that. I did the same thing. But we can't stop there. We have to study the scriptures. I know many are already doing this, but just in case you're anything like me, and procrastinate studying the scriptures for alternate material, you've been warned! LOL

I love the way the Lord speaks to me while I study. He makes certain things stand out, and explains what they mean FOR ME. It's like the scriptures have been tailored just for me. (during my personal study)

I am so grateful He does that. He'll do it for you too.

His Promise

My 40 day fast is more than half over and I am amazed at how wonderful it has been.

Today I sat down, took my sacrament, and asked the Lord what He wanted me to study. It was very clear. The words D&C came to mind. I said, "Okay, which section?" And then just as clearly the numbers 88 appeared in my mind. I hadn't read that section for a while and because I have memory issues, I couldn't even remember what it was about. But I remembered it was LONG, and I had the distinct impression to read all of it.

How beautiful are the words of section 88!! I can't even tell you how much they filled me. The whole thing is now marked up beautifully with my pink colored pencil to remind me of those verses that I felt were speaking right to me. Here are a few that pierced me to the core.

2. Behold this is pleasing unto your Lord, and the angels rejoice over you; the alms of your prayers have come up unto the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded in the book of the names of the sanctified, even them of the celestial world.

I don't know if this verse touches you like it did me, but I felt the Lord saying this, that my prayers had come up to HIM! That my prayers are being recorded. (and that is what I felt he was saying directly to me) It brings tears to my eyes even now.

11. And the light which shineth, which giveth you light is through him who enlighteneth YOUR eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth YOUR understanding. 

 I have experienced this over the last month. My understanding has deepened, my eyes have been opened. Inspiration comes quickly and clearly.

The next two pages are about the three degrees of glory, are beautiful and should be studied in depth, because there are gems there that I've missed in the past, things that mean something to me deeply that I never remembered reading before. (but we all know how well I remember LOL) But I won't share them all.

49. The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not; nevertheless, the day shall come when YOU shall comprehend even God, being quickened in him and by him. 50. Then shall YE know that YE have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in YOU, and that YOU are in me; otherwise YE could not abound.

Now, remember, these verses felt like they were being spoken directly to me. Not to a bunch of people that lived a hundred and fifty years ago, who heard them first. (which is why I made the "yous" large, so hopefully they'd speak to YOU too. This is one of the things that has meant so much to me in my recent studies. Even though these scriptures are written for all people and many times read to large groups, these words feel personal, just for me, and I feel this deep in my heart as though the Lord is standing right before me, saying them to my face. It's powerful and amazing.

62. And again, I say unto you, my friends, I leave these sayings with you to ponder in your hearts, with this COMMANDMENT which I give unto you, that ye SHALL call upon me while I am near--63. Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 64. Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name,  it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you;

I LOVE this! It speaks straight to my heart. Do you feel it too? Do you hear it? This promise? The promise I've been searching for! The promise that I can and will have my second comforter if I stay on this path. And did you get that it is also a commandment to call upon Him? Do we even realize it's a commandment? We often feel it's an invitation, but it's not. He is our God! We MUST call upon him and worship him. He wants us to. He's begging us to.

67. And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.

This is my goal. To be filled with his light. All the time. I haven't figured out how to do that, to be filled with light all the time. I find myself easily annoyed or irritated by the little things life throws at me, but now the recognition that I'm being that way is instant. It's like the Lord has a magnifying glass on me all the time and not one second goes by before I know I'm misbehaving in some way and that I need to repent. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Not if I want to progress quickly, and He wants me to progress quickly, so I'll stick with the magnifying glass.

78. Teach ye diligently and my grace shall attend you, that you may be instructed more perfectly in theory, in principle, in doctrine, in the law of the gospel, in all things that pertain unto the kingdom of God, that are expedient for you to understand; 79. Of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are now on the land; and knowledge also of countries of of kingdoms--80. That ye may be prepared in all things...

 The only people I'm really teaching anymore are my children. I used to be a Gospel Doctrine teacher and I loved that job, but now I can only influence my kids and husband, but I feel that on this day, at this time, that is what this scripture is telling me. To teach my family about these things. It felt personal and it was easy to understand. They don't study as much as I do and they won't learn this anywhere else. It's my job, no, my responsibility, to teach my family the things I am learning and instill in them the desire to search them out for themselves too. I pray it happens for them, that they learn to love the Lord as much as I do now. My heart absolutely sings when I think of Him. I can't wait to see Him. To touch Him. To hug Him. To learn from Him. It is my greatest desire.

The next verses talk about the future, about what will happen before He comes. The earthquakes, flooding and fear that will fill men's hearts, and that we need to be ready. The trumps will sounds, angels will call forth the righteous, Satan's army will fight against Michael's. We learn in this chapter who wins, and I wish we could just skip that part since we know the outcome anyway, but everyone must have a chance to prove themselves. And then comes one of my favorite verses.

118. And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yeah, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith.

 How beautiful are these words? Seek learning by study and faith. That is what I am doing. Right now. And I can't tell you how much I've learned or how quickly it's happening. To see the Lord takes effort on our part. We have to prove to Him that He is the only thing that matters. Are we willing to sacrifice all to know him?

What is ALL to you? Time with your family? Time at your job? Time in front of the TV? Are you willing to skip Game of Thrones to know Him? Facebook? Youtube? All these things are distractions that keep you from growing close to the Lord. Are they bad in and of themselves? No. Okay, maybe Game of Thrones is. LOL I've never seen that show, but I know it's super popular and there are other shows I do love to watch, so I get it. These things take up precious time we could be using to search out Jesus, or visions, or angels, or taking the sacrament. I don't say this to make you feel guilty, like you're aren't doing or being "good" enough, but are you?

I used to feel bad for watching so much TV when I could be doing something more useful or constructive, but until I had a catalyst, this fast, I couldn't seem to make myself stop. Now it's like a tidal wave of knowledge has started to wash over me. It will happen for you too, if you want it to, and that's the crux of it, isn't it. DO YOU WANT TO? Actions speak louder than words and if you continue to let yourself be distracted by other "good" things, then your answer is NO, you don't want to.