tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7247404137127357052023-11-16T03:14:27.435-08:00As I Purify My HeartMy journey to the fullness. Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-46309701026931616142018-01-10T11:47:00.002-08:002018-01-10T13:30:39.574-08:00Nothing DoubtingSo many of my spiritual experiences happen around water. Many of them while I'm soaking in my bathtub, reading or thinking. I don't know why that is, but maybe it's because water is such a good conductor of energy.<br />
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Anyway, eleven years ago I was relaxing in my bath when, out of the blue, a voice in my head spoke to me saying, you are going to have another baby and it's going to be a boy. I remember going still, frozen in amazement, wondering if it was true, but it was so clear that I had a hard time doubting it. My first reaction after that was, "Please don't send another boy. I really want a girl." I had 3 boys already and one daughter. (And those boys were high maintenance!)<br />
<br />
But the message was so clear and even though my husband moaned and groaned about it, he acquiesced. My pregnancies are long and difficult. Filled with fatigue and throwing up on a daily basis, so he was not ecstatic. We got rid of our birth control and let ourselves get pregnant. Truth be told, I was very excited for another child, because I'd felt we weren't through for whatever reason.<br />
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I got pregnant right away and found a midwife I liked. At my two, or maybe three month appointment, my midwife couldn't find a heartbeat. She sent me to a regular OB who also couldn't find a heartbeat, but I was still testing positive for pregnancy. It was a scary moment, to not be able to find a heartbeat or even see the baby on ultrasound! The OB thought I was probably having a tubal pregnancy, which needed to be corrected right away. Otherwise the baby would burst the fallopian tube, which can cause death.<br />
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I was immediately scheduled for surgery. Come to find out, I was having a molar pregnancy. I'd never even heard of that, but what it basically is, is an egg becomes fertilized, implants in the uterus, and then for whatever reason, doesn't grow, but the placenta keeps growing because it thinks there's a baby there. It's craziness!<br />
<br />
When I woke up and was told all of this, I was broken-hearted. I had been so excited about having another child. I couldn't believe I'd been so off in my understanding of the message. I began to doubt myself because of all I had been through, and wondered if I was making spiritual experiences up, if it was just all in my head and I was schizophrenic or something. I cried for a long time, but kept moving forward with a shred of faith that everything would work out and that for some reason, it was meant to be this way.<br />
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I think it was in June, three months later, that I got a phone call from DCFS. They asked me if I wanted to take Emily's (not real name) new baby. New baby? Her baby was a year old and her family had him as far as I knew. The gal on the phone said, no, she'd just had another baby that was 3 months premature, was in the McKay Dee NICU, and needed a mother to come in every day to hold and feed him. Emily had given birth and then two days later had gone to jail for breaking her probation (meth and other drugs). They were asking me since we'd adopted Emily's other baby (her 3rd one) who was three at the time. All in all, Emily had 6 kids, all of them taken away and adopted out. I would have taken them all, but we only got two.<br />
<br />
At that moment, my heart was pierced to the core! The voice I'd heard in the bathtub said, "THIS is your baby boy!" I didn't even call my husband to ask how he felt about it. I screamed, YES! into the phone. Yes! Yes! Yes!<br />
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I went to that hospital every day to hold and feed him. The nurses had a hard time getting him to eat the amount he needed in the time allotted, but for me, he would! It was a miracle really. He was a very slow eater and not growing rapidly until I started coming. (He'd been in the NICU almost a month before they'd called me!)<br />
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That baby felt like a reward to me, like the Lord was giving me a gift for some of the extremely difficult things I had been going through. And considering that our little Wyatt been born so early, there was NOTHING wrong with him. He has a slight lazy eye, but that really is it, unless you count that he has some ADHD issues now that he's 10. I adore him as though I'd given birth to him myself. I feel undeniably connected to him, which has been the struggle I have had with his older, half-brother who had also been born premature, who when we got him, had RAD (reactive-attachment disorder), did not like to be held or cuddled, and now has some difficult issues he (and we) deal with. That's a post for another time, but Wyatt is a gift not only for us, but for his brother who struggles so much. They're best friends now, even though they fight like cats and dogs half the time.<br />
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<br />
This experience has taught me a few things. One, that God operates on his own time-table, and we need to be patient and understand that whatever He has promised will come to pass... someday. Two, that messages don't always come in their entirety, and maybe that happens to make us trust more, which leads to three, that we need to trust Him. Nothing doubting.Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-8537467273487635632017-09-18T09:49:00.001-07:002017-09-18T19:19:13.188-07:00My Comforter is RealI haven't written for a while. Over the last six months some amazing things have happened and I have been waiting for the okay to talk about them. I'm feeling like I should share them now.<br />
<br />
Last April of 2017 I started communicating with Philip Stevenson. He has this great business where he helps people overcome their subconscious roadblocks so they can achieve greater success. He also teaches people how to have their second comforter and it's much simpler than we have been led to believe.<br />
<br />
We had our interview over the phone since we live so far apart and I wasn't sure how things would go doing it that way. I honestly didn't have high hopes. Most of our work would be about my personal hangups, things that keep me from being my best self and at the end we would attempt a visit with the Savior. <br />
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Since it would be too hard to type everything all over again, I'll just cut and paste what I wrote after it happened. It's a summary, but is accurate.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: 0in;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">"There aren’t words
to describe the experience I had on Thursday morning, April 13, 2017.</span></i></div>
<i></i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Phillip
Stephenson had offered to take me on a guided meditation as thanks for editing
a book he is working on and I took him up on that offer. I figured it would be
fun and enlightening and would possibly help me overcome a few issues I had
with financial success and in my relationship with my adopted son, Gabriel. At
least I figured it couldn’t hurt.</span></i></i></div>
<i>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"></span></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">Phillip
called me at eight in the morning and we began a session that I figured would
last a couple of hours. That was what we’d planned for anyway. What happened
was far beyond my expectations. Far beyond what I could have imagined. The
conversation lasted five hours and yet it only felt like an hour and a half!
Two at the very most. That said, I will only touch on a few things here. There
was just too much!</span></i></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"></span></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">Rather
than write a step by step description about what happened, I want to jump forward and
talk about the best part of all. <b>I saw the Jesus Christ!</b> I did not expect this to
happen. I hadn’t planned on it, even though I’ve heard it can happen
in these kinds of situations.</span></i></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"></span></i>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">I
had gone through about four hours of guided mediation with Phillip that were
incredible and hard to even describe in how enlightened I felt, when I went to a place in my mind that I call The Garden. It’s a little piece of
heaven for me, with a little stone bench that sits by a pond. Paths weave through that are lined with flowers of all kinds and sizes. Trees,
mostly Weeping Willows, grow, giving shade, and all the paths are made of
soft, green grass.</span></i></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"></span></i>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">Everything
there feels alive—with a consciousness. I could feel the life and energy of all
the plants and trees, reaching for me as though they were living beings, so
excited to have me there. At this point in the meditation,
after literally running through my garden, rolling like a child, frolicking in
the grass, and rejoicing in this new world that I thought was just in my mind,
I came back to the stone bench, and standing there, all in white, was the
Savior. Jesus Christ. I knew immediately who He was. </span></i><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"></span></i></span></i><br />
<div style="display: inline !important;">
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">He had a dark beard, that wasn’t long or bushy, but short and neat.</span></i></span></i></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">
</span></i></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">
</span></i></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">I
immediately fell down at his feet and kissed them, overcome. The reaction was instantaneous.
I couldn’t NOT do that. I COULDN’T stand
in his presence. Not because I felt unworthy necessarily, but because I was overwhelmed
with an emotion I’ve never felt before. One I can’t even put into words. I
started crying and he bent down and lifted me up.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">Some
of this I related to Phillip, but after listening to the recording, I realized
I hadn’t told him much of what was happening at this part, and even now, one day later, I’m afraid of
forgetting it. (I have memory issues)</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="line-height: 200%;"><i style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 12pt;">The
Savior didn’t speak to me with his mouth, but with his mind through thoughts. His voice is warm and rich. He has a </i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">wonderful </span></span><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">sense of humor and he frequently </span>laughed<span style="font-size: 12pt;">, like I amused him with my wonder.</span></span></i></span></span> </span></div>
<span style="line-height: 200%;">
</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="line-height: 200%;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="line-height: 200%;"><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;">Phillip
asked me to ask him if I am worthy to be there with him and when I did, immediately all the things
I’d done wrong sprang to mind and I thought, no, I’m not worthy, but then the
words, “Your sins are forgiven,” came into my mind from him, which in turn, made
me worthy.</span></span></i></span></span></span></div>
<span style="line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">It
was almost too hard to believe, but I felt I <b>should </b>believe, since He was
standing right there saying it to me. I mentioned as much to Phillip and he
said to ask Jesus to help me believe.
When I did, Jesus took my face in his hands and with a funny grin said, “It is
done. You believe.” It totally made me laugh! He’s funny! I’d heard that from other people, but hadn’t anticipated it. He was playful when I felt playful, and serious when I needed seriousness. He gave me
what I needed absolutely.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">And
then I said to Phillip, “I wish this were real. I want it to be real, but it
seems too fantastic.” It felt real, but I also worried that it was just all in my
mind, and then Phillip said, “Ask Him if it is real.” So I did.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">I
don’t know how to describe what happened next. There aren’t words. One minute I
was asking the Lord if this experience was real or just all in my head, and the
next a power was filling my body, growing and expanding, like nuclear energy or
a bomb that was about to go off. It was huge and terrible in its power, and it terrified me.
I thought if it didn’t stop expanding I would explode and that my chest would blow out. If
it didn’t stop, I’d break. As soon as I had the thought, “<b>This needs to stop</b>.” It
did. That fast. I started sobbing immediately, and I remember thinking I needed to control
my crying because I didn’t want Phillip to think I was out of control. But that
was how it felt. Totally out of control. And even though it scared me, the experience was over too quickly. I wanted it back, despite the fact it was terrifying to
experience with no warning! The crazy thing was, it WAS NOT IN MY HEAD. It was
my actual physical body that experienced it and it scared me to death, because
I didn’t know what it was or if it would stop. (Can I say how bad it scared me enough times? I truly thought I would die)</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">And
then Phillip asked me, “So was it real?” (he was still waiting for my answer)</span></i> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">I started laughing (because that's my go-to reaction) because, yeah, the
message had come across loud and clear. I felt the Savior saying, “THIS IS
REAL! Let me make it obvious for you!”</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">And
then Phillip asked if there was anything else I would like to ask or
communicate to the Savior. (he took me through it step by step because seriously, my brain went out the window as soon as I saw Jesus.) Phillip suggested a blessing. I liked that idea, so I
asked the Lord for a blessing. He was happy to do that.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">I
knelt down, but not in some formal way like you see in church pictures. Instead, I wrapped
my arms around his legs, like a little child hanging onto their parent for dear
life, and he put his hands on the back of my head because I was pressed so
close to him, but it didn’t feel weird or inappropriate or anything. He didn’t
think so either. It’s weird to me now when I think about it, and I have to just shake my head at how weird I am.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">These
are some of the words he spoke to me… He called by my whole name. He blessed me to be able to love everybody, and be able to forgive easily. I am to
be his hands. A tool in his hands. He’ll direct me where to go and what to do
every day. I don’t need to keep worrying about the future and what I should be
doing. Everything is happening according to his plan. I need to have faith that
it’s all in his hands. If I constantly listen, I’ll know who I am supposed to
help. He’ll bless my body to continue to heal and be strong. I need to be careful and
not use it for my own selfish purposes (as in to look good or
impress others). That it will be so I can work for Him. He’ll bless my faith to grow stronger, and the things I desire
will happen, as in more experiences with him etc… (I really hope this comes to
pass quickly!)(6 months later and it hasn't come easily or quickly LOL. It has taken work and effort!)</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">(Back to my experience with Jesus)</span></i> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="margin-left: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-pagination: none; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">At
this point I had a feeling (in a playful way) that he thinks I’m a little
rebellious! He thinks I doubt too much and that I shouldn’t doubt him. Ever. I need to keep
meditating and visualizing like this and coming to him in this way. I need to
write it all down so I don’t forget. It’s important that I rest
when I need to and not overdo it, and that He’ll give me strength when it
serves Him to do so. At this point I had to laugh again. He’s so funny and
gets my sense of humor. Just the way he said, “when it serves me to do so.” It
was in a jovial tone of voice. His sense of humor is beautiful and perfect. Never done in a way that is sarcastic or belittling like we humans are so prone to do. I respond well to humor so I'm guessing He catered to me to communicate his love for me. It's hard to explain.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">After the blessing He took my hands and raised me up, kissing my hands on
the knuckles once I was standing. It was so sweet, like what a father would do
as he stared at his adored daughter. He told me he loved me, and then he cupped my face in
his hands and stared into my eyes and said with an intense, but adoring,
playful smile, “Be of good cheer!” (as though I’m not cheerful often enough) This also made me laugh because I know these words didn’t just come from my own
mind (as though I were making this whole thing up) because I would <b>never </b>use those words. It sounds too formal to me, but
when He spoke them, they didn’t. He said he wants me to be happy, as though I'm not often enough. And then he
hugged me tight again, kissing me on the cheek.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">And
then, in the snap of a finger, He rose up fast, and was gone, and I was
left by myself. As I reminisce upon this now I think how stupid it was that I didn’t
ask him the millions of questions I’d wondered about for years! When the
moment is upon you, it changes everything. My mind went completely blank!</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">But
Jesus is right. I doubt too much. Even right after it happened I wondered if it
was real. Phillip told me it’s normal to feel that way, but that it is
important to remember the feel of his hands and voice, that I was now connected to him in
a way I never was before, that I was now a member of The Church of the First
Born, and I needed to stay active in that church and visit it often.</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">I
don’t think people understand clearly what the second comforter really is. And
I hadn’t either, but the feeling I had when it was over, the joy that radiated
from me, couldn’t be explained in any other way. It stayed with me for weeks after. </span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;">
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; line-height: 200%;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">I
was also exhausted. More than I’d ever been before. The whole rest of the day,
even though I felt such happiness and peace, I was absolutely dragging, and my
eyes felt blurry and achy, hurting to be open from crying so much… for the rest of the day.</span></i><i style="font-size: 12pt; text-indent: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;">"</span></i></div>
</span></blockquote>
Almost six months have gong by since this experience and I thought it would be easy to return, but it hasn't been. It's exhausting and take relentless drive to make even the simplest experience happen, but it is getting easier. My spiritual eyes are SO out of shape. It feels like being under water, trying to focus, constantly trying to see. Meditation is key. Being still and quiet is key. I have taken what Phillip taught me and am applying that knowledge to get to "the throne room" on my own. It's SO hard sometimes but also so simple. Maybe that's the problem. I haven't seen Him again (yet) but I have visited with other heavenly messengers. There are things the Lord expects me to do before I get to be with Him again, which obviously I've failed to do... (again, yet.)<br />
<br />
One more thought before I go. I have not forgotten what Jesus feels like. HIS spirit. It's not the same feeling I get with the Holy Ghost. It is unlike <b>anything </b>I can describe to compare it to. No one else feels the same way and it is impossible to mistake Him for anyone else. You KNOW as soon as you are in his presence that it's Him. You just KNOW. <i><b>For every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus is the Christ.</b></i> And this is my testimony that I add to everyone else's who has seen him. That He LIVES! And there is NOTHING I desire more in my life than to be with Him again and again and again.<br />
<br />
Anyway, there it is. I want to add a song here that means SO much to me.<br />
<br />
THIS is how I feel now.<br />
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P.S. I need to add that Phillip will help anyone through this process and he does not charge, of course. He does charge for the work with subconscious baggage that holds you back from financial or emotional success. It's how he makes his living, but he wants to help everyone to Christ with no compensation. </div>
<br />Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-22178712873724055622017-03-15T14:31:00.000-07:002017-03-17T07:12:37.335-07:00Seek First My WordAfter my study time today, I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes, trying to get in the most comfortable position possible. Today was going to be the day, and I had time, so I wanted to be comfy. I then began to plead with the Lord to come visit me... or take me to him. Either way, I was good.<br />
<br />
I lay there begging for a few minutes, feeling that it just wasn't fair that this process took so long, and could possibly take years. How much "better" did I have to be? How much more obedient? I don't know what else to do or how to "fix" me so I'd be "good" enough.<br />
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<br />
Thoughts began to enter my mind and the feeling behind them was somewhat humorous. Not like He was laughing at me, but chuckling at how impatient and dramatic I can be. And I do have a flair for the dramatic. But I have also been very sincere in my desire and so is He. He told me it wasn't about being good enough, it was that I wasn't ready.<br />
<br />
Ready? Seriously? I'm am ready! Totally ready!<br />
<br />
And then He said that "ready" wasn't the right word. I got the feeling that it can be difficult to communicate the right words as language can sometimes be a barrier, or maybe it's that my vocabulary is too small. LOL Anyway, then the word "experience" came into my mind. He told me I needed more experience with spiritual things and that it would happen at the right time. These things can't be forced or rushed.<br />
<br />
So, in other words, spiritually speaking, I'm still finishing up with milk. Maybe it's even milk with toast! But I can't have the really tough meat yet. I'm certainly not where I used to be when I was actively going to the LDS church. I have progressed by leaps and bounds, but it was as if He were saying, "there is more in store for you, so let's get crackin'."<br />
<br />
Today, He told me that we (and I'm not sure if it's just my family, everyone, or who) are not using the scriptures enough.<br />
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I read A LOT of blogs. I LOVE studying others' words and learning about what they're studying. I LOVE reading books. I have many books on my shelf, written by a variety of people, but for some reason I always procrastinate reading the actual scriptures.<br />
<br />
A few days ago He told me to "obtain his word, by studying the scriptures." It was pretty clear, and has been throughout this forty-day fast. Every time I ask what I should study, it is always some place in the scriptures. Usually books I'd NEVER think to study on my own, usually the Old Testament. Yesterday it was Micah. I wasn't even sure I remembered if there was a book in the Bible called Micah, but there is. Obviously. Because I studied it. It does exist and is all about future events. So fascinating.<br />
<br />
He told me to read Alma 13-14 today. I thought it was odd, because I'd read those chapters not long ago with my kids, but I obeyed. And two verses in particular caught my attention, and maybe He was just speaking to me, trying to get the message across, but maybe the message if for you too. Here's what I learned...<br />
<br />
In Alma 13:20, (and not the whole verse, just part of it is what he wanted me to notice. I'll highlight it.)<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><span style="color: #cc0000;">Now I need not rehearse the matter; what I have said may suffice. <b>Behold, the scriptures are before you; if ye will wrest them it shall be to your own destruction</b>.</span></i></blockquote>
I got the distinct feeling that I needed to pay attention to those words. I'd always thought wresting was the same as wrestling with the scriptures or something similar, meaning you were doing your darndest to learn and understand. So I cross-referenced with Alma 41:1, and that's NOT what it means.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #cc0000;"><i>Alma 41:1 And now, my son, I have somewhat to say concerning the restoration of which has been spoken; for behold, some have <b>wrested the scriptures, and have gone far astray because of this thing...</b></i></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px; padding: 0px 0px 10px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Oxford English Dictionary gives us the most common meaning of the verb “to wrest” during the production of the King James Version of the Bible — the almost certain source for English phrases regarding wresting the scriptures, whether found in the Bible or in Mormon texts is:</span></blockquote>
</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="background-color: white;"><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px;">To strain or over-strain the meaning or bearing of (a writing, passage, word, etc.); to deflect or turn from the true or proper signification; to twist, pervert.</span></span></b></span></blockquote>
In other words, you better not misinterpret the scriptures and think it's the truth, let alone teach that untruth to others. Your reward will be condemnation. That's some pretty serious stuff. It happened all the time at church. All the more reason to "obtain his word" directly for him. Let the Holy Ghost guide you, but even then, there have been times when I did't understand a passage, or I thought the HG was telling me something and then found out I was wrong. This learning curve is tricky.<br />
<br />
The important thing is we NEED to be studying the actual scriptures. Not just blogs, articles, or facebook posts. We NEED to have a quiet, thoughtful time every day, with the Lord, studying His actual words. If we are confused, we have to DIG for answers. I'd never tried to figure out what "wrest" meant. Today I did. I had to. I was too stumped and it was bugging me. I had to know.<br />
<br />
And then I continued my studies, reading...<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #cc0000;">Alma 14:1 <i>And it came to pass after he had made an end of speaking unto the people many of them did believe on his words, and <b>began to repent and to search the scriptures.</b> </i></span></blockquote>
If the importance of the first verse didn't get through, this second one did. Loud and clear. I just stopped and stared at the words. The people had their own scriptures? I've been a part of discussions where we debated on if the BoM people had their own, personal records, or if only the prophet did etc... This tells me they did! The people <i>believed</i> Alma's words and started studying on their own! Just like we are supposed to. Many have read Denver Snuffer's words. They have seen him speak. They gobble up his books, and there's nothing wrong with that. I did the same thing. But we can't stop there. We have to study the scriptures. I know many are already doing this, but just in case you're anything like me, and procrastinate studying the scriptures for alternate material, you've been warned! LOL<br />
<br />
I love the way the Lord speaks to me while I study. He makes certain things stand out, and explains what they mean FOR ME. It's like the scriptures have been tailored just for me. (during my personal study)<br />
<br />
I am so grateful He does that. He'll do it for you too.<br />
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<br />Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-57476587347721165052017-03-08T12:35:00.000-08:002017-03-08T12:35:04.152-08:00His PromiseMy 40 day fast is more than half over and I am amazed at how wonderful it has been.<br />
<br />
Today I sat down, took my sacrament, and asked the Lord what He wanted me to study. It was very clear. The words D&C came to mind. I said, "Okay, which section?" And then just as clearly the numbers 88 appeared in my mind. I hadn't read that section for a while and because I have memory issues, I couldn't even remember what it was about. But I remembered it was LONG, and I had the distinct impression to read all of it.<br />
<br />
How beautiful are the words of section 88!! I can't even tell you how much they filled me. The whole thing is now marked up beautifully with my pink colored pencil to remind me of those verses that I felt were speaking right to me. Here are a few that pierced me to the core.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000;">2. Behold this is pleasing unto your Lord, and the angels rejoice over you; the alms of your prayers have come up unto the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded in the book of the names of the sanctified, even them of the celestial world.</span></blockquote>
I don't know if this verse touches you like it did me, but I felt the Lord saying this, that my prayers had come up to HIM! That my prayers are being recorded. (and that is what I felt he was saying directly to me) It brings tears to my eyes even now.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000;">11. And the light which shineth, which giveth you light is through him who enlighteneth YOUR eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth YOUR understanding. </span></blockquote>
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I have experienced this over the last month. My understanding has deepened, my eyes have been opened. Inspiration comes quickly and clearly.<br />
<br />
The next two pages are about the three degrees of glory, are beautiful and should be studied in depth, because there are gems there that I've missed in the past, things that mean something to me deeply that I never remembered reading before. (but we all know how well I remember LOL) But I won't share them all.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000;">49. The light shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not; nevertheless, the day shall come when YOU shall comprehend even God, being quickened in him and by him. 50. Then shall YE know that YE have seen me, that I am, and that I am the true light that is in YOU, and that YOU are in me; otherwise YE could not abound.</span></blockquote>
Now, remember, these verses felt like they were being spoken directly to me. Not to a bunch of people that lived a hundred and fifty years ago, who heard them first. (which is why I made the "yous" large, so hopefully they'd speak to YOU too. This is one of the things that has meant so much to me in my recent studies. Even though these scriptures are written for all people and many times read to large groups, these words feel personal, just for me, and I feel this deep in my heart as though the Lord is standing right before me, saying them to my face. It's powerful and amazing.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000;">62. And again, I say unto you, my friends, I leave these sayings with you to ponder in your hearts, with this COMMANDMENT which I give unto you, that ye SHALL call upon me while I am near--63. Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 64. Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name, it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you;</span></blockquote>
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<br />
I LOVE this! It speaks straight to my heart. Do you feel it too? Do you hear it? This promise? The promise I've been searching for! The promise that I can and will have my second comforter if I stay on this path. And did you get that it is also a commandment to call upon Him? Do we even realize it's a commandment? We often feel it's an invitation, but it's not. He is our God! We MUST call upon him and worship him. He wants us to. He's begging us to.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000;">67. And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.</span></blockquote>
This is my goal. To be filled with his light. All the time. I haven't figured out how to do that, to be filled with light all the time. I find myself easily annoyed or irritated by the little things life throws at me, but now the recognition that I'm being that way is instant. It's like the Lord has a magnifying glass on me all the time and not one second goes by before I know I'm misbehaving in some way and that I need to repent. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Not if I want to progress quickly, and He wants me to progress quickly, so I'll stick with the magnifying glass.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="color: #990000;">78. Teach ye diligently and my grace shall attend you, that you may be instructed more perfectly in theory, in principle, in doctrine, in the law of the gospel, in all things that pertain unto the kingdom of God, that are expedient for you to understand; 79. Of things both in heaven and in the earth, and under the earth; things which have been, things which are, things which must shortly come to pass; things which are at home, things which are abroad; the wars and perplexities of the nations, and the judgments which are now on the land; and knowledge also of countries of of kingdoms--80. That ye may be prepared in all things...</span></blockquote>
The only people I'm really teaching anymore are my children. I used to be a Gospel Doctrine teacher and I loved that job, but now I can only influence my kids and husband, but I feel that on this day, at this time, that is what this scripture is telling me. To teach my family about these things. It felt personal and it was easy to understand. They don't study as much as I do and they won't learn this anywhere else. It's my job, no, my responsibility, to teach my family the things I am learning and instill in them the desire to search them out for themselves too. I pray it happens for them, that they learn to love the Lord as much as I do now. My heart absolutely sings when I think of Him. I can't wait to see Him. To touch Him. To hug Him. To learn from Him. It is my greatest desire.<br />
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The next verses talk about the future, about what will happen before He comes. The earthquakes, flooding and fear that will fill men's hearts, and that we need to be ready. The trumps will sounds, angels will call forth the righteous, Satan's army will fight against Michael's. We learn in this chapter who wins, and I wish we could just skip that part since we know the outcome anyway, but everyone must have a chance to prove themselves. And then comes one of my favorite verses.<br />
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<span style="color: #990000;">118. And as all have not faith, seek ye diligently and <i>teach one another words of wisdom</i>; yeah, seek ye out of the<i> best books words of wisdom</i>; seek learning, even by <i>study and also by faith.</i></span></blockquote>
How beautiful are these words? Seek learning by study and faith. That is what I am doing. Right now. And I can't tell you how much I've learned or how quickly it's happening. To see the Lord takes effort on our part. We have to prove to Him that He is the only thing that matters. Are we willing to sacrifice all to know him?<br />
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What is ALL to you? Time with your family? Time at your job? Time in front of the TV? Are you willing to skip Game of Thrones to know Him? Facebook? Youtube? All these things are distractions that keep you from growing close to the Lord. Are they bad in and of themselves? No. Okay, maybe Game of Thrones is. LOL I've never seen that show, but I know it's super popular and there are other shows I do love to watch, so I get it. These things take up precious time we could be using to search out Jesus, or visions, or angels, or taking the sacrament. I don't say this to make you feel guilty, like you're aren't doing or being "good" enough, but are you?<br />
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I used to feel bad for watching so much TV when I could be doing something more useful or constructive, but until I had a catalyst, this fast, I couldn't seem to make myself stop. Now it's like a tidal wave of knowledge has started to wash over me. It will happen for you too, if you want it to, and that's the crux of it, isn't it. DO YOU WANT TO? Actions speak louder than words and if you continue to let yourself be distracted by other "good" things, then your answer is NO, you don't want to.<br />
<br />Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-50040676077352370812017-02-21T12:42:00.000-08:002017-02-21T12:42:31.344-08:00You Said WHAT?It has been two weeks since I started my 40 day fast and I must say, it has been quite the ride. As some of you know, if you read my last post, I decided to fast from TV, which I thought would be SO hard, since the temptation is only a few feet away on my wall.<br />
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Surprisingly, it's been easy. And when the kids or my husband want to watch a show, I go to my room, turn on my lamps and my Christian rock and snuggle up on my bed, and study. It has become a calming and peaceful way of life, and I am hoping I don't slide backwards when my 40 days are up.<br />
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I want to share a couple of things that have happened since I started the fast. Things that have blown my mind and shifted my paradigm so drastically, that I am honestly kind of afraid to share them. I worry that people won't understand. That they'll judge me harshly, but at the same time, I feel as though it's okay to share. That I should share.<br />
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On the very first day of my fast, the Spirit was so strong as I prayed, that I sobbed and sobbed, begging the Lord to forgive me of my numerous sins and to show me his face. More than anything, I wanted to be in his presence. That it was the goal of my fast and to tell me how to do it.<br />
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It was a beautiful moment even though He didn't appear or take me to him. (which I didn't expect, but did hope for.) I asked the Lord to tell me what I should start out with--where I should begin my study. I had no idea where to start, but immediately I felt led to the blog, (not during my prayer but very soon after) <a href="https://purerevelations.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Pure Revelations</a>. I knew immediately the Lord wanted me to study every entry and so I did.<br />
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What powerful words of inspiration I found there!! It was just want I needed! Just what I asked for! It almost seemed miraculous, but I've come to expect the miraculous since I started this journey. Here I am fasting to receive my second comforter and I find a blog where someone has written a book called, "How to Have Your Second Comforter"!! I downloaded the book and it has absolutely changed my life. Completely. You can find it <a href="https://www.amazon.com/How-Have-Your-Second-Comforter-ebook/dp/B01G7B1B12" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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I have been following this author's counsel ever since.<br />
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One of the things (I'm going to call the author Jonathan) Jonathan does is have a "holy" time, three or more times a week, with the Lord. He goes into the privacy of his room or closet and always starts with the sacrament, blessing it himself (obviously). I wanted to have experiences like Jonathon also. SO BAD!! But I'm a girl and my husband is seldom around when I want to have this kind of experience. Plus, I'm doing this fast alone and so I prayed for a solution.<br />
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I prayed and prayed, asking the Lord what I should do. The words were clear and precise in my head. He told me to bless the sacrament myself. I couldn't have heard right. I literally recoiled at the thought! I'm a woman! I can't bless the sacrament! I'd be struck by lightning! But the words came again. Bless it yourself.<br />
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I have spoken with the Lord my whole life and really feel I know the sound of his voice, but even still, I just couldn't bless my own sacrament. Everyone is deceived at times, so I prayed even harder to have the adversary expelled from me and my home, that I would be shielded from any unclean thing during my prayer time. And then I prayed again, getting the same answer.<br />
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I decided to muscle test. I learned the art of muscle testing years ago and use it frequently. I have since learned it is a good way for your spirit, which carries a record of all truth from the pre-existence, especially when combined with The Holy Spirit, to tell you what you should and shouldn't do (especially if you're doubting that voice in your head). You're body can't lie. We try to make it lie. Oh, do we humans go to great lengths to get it to lie, but it can't. From micro-expressions to muscle testing, your body always tells the truth.<br />
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Anyway, I muscled tested over and over in various ways, trying to get an answer that said, "No, you can't bless your own sacrament, you stupid girl!" But that answer never came. It was always the same. Bless your sacrament. After all this, I prayed again, asking if that was really the right answer, because I didn't want to make a mistake and offend the Lord. I can still feel His words in my mind saying, "How many different ways do I have to say it before you'll believe me?" He also said, it's just a prayer. A prayer that makes no reference to priesthood or authority and I could say it for myself. I decided I had my answer even though it went against everything I was ever taught. That said, I decided to trust in the Lord. I have a very thick skull and the Lord has to go to great lengths at times to get me to understand!<br />
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I was so afraid, because even though I'd gotten a yes answer, it still felt wrong! I truly feel that Satan DIDN'T want me to do this, and that he also was going to great lengths to stop me, to make me doubt myself and the Lord. But I pushed through, trusting that loving voice that has never led me astray. I knelt down by my bed, my sacrament before me, and prayed, using the same words as Jonathan (in his book he said he changed the words to "I" and "me" instead of "us" and "we") I felt so connected to God. So loved. The spirit was very strong.<br />
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Since that day, I have had my "holy" time with the Lord almost every day. I devour whatever he tells me to study. One day it was Psalms. I'd NEVER studied Psalms and didn't really want to, but the Lord's voice was insistent. I learned some amazing things from that record!! Who woulda thunk it?<br />
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I'm studying <i>The Words of Joseph Smith</i> now and learning some wonderful truths there. I hope to dive deeper and learn more every day, growing closer to the Lord as I do. This fast has been an amazing experience and it has only been two weeks! I have not received my Second Comforter yet, and sometimes I wonder if I ever will, but I'll keep hoping and praying and trying to do ALL THINGS the Lord commands me. No matter how crazy or uncomfortable.Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-91840565263765841652017-02-08T14:10:00.003-08:002017-02-08T14:10:35.635-08:00Dreams and Invites<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">As soon as I read the email that the "Remnant", and anyone else who wanted to participate, was invited to take part in a 40 day fast (find more info about that<a href="http://fastforcharity.blogspot.com/2017/01/an-invitation.html?m=1" target="_blank"> here)</a> for more charity, I knew I wanted to participate. No, I knew I NEEDED to participate. It was something I felt at a gut level. The Lord was shining a light bulb in my mind, telling me to wake up and get moving.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", Trebuchet, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15.84px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium;">"We would like to invite any and all to join in a <b>40-day fast</b> for the Lord to pour out His Spirit and His love (charity). </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium; white-space: pre-wrap;">It will begin February 8 and end March 20th (spring equinox). </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium; white-space: pre-wrap;">This can look however you want it to look. It may not have anything to do with abstaining from food if you don't want it to. You could abstain from something else. Perhaps you could give something "away" to those who suffer (instead of giving something "up" to make yourself suffer). Or you might simply focus on adding light to your life. It may be appropriate to include prayer, meditation, "<span id="goog_1606573790"></span><a href="https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/59.14?lang=eng#13" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">rejoicing</a><span id="goog_1606573791"></span>" and</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium; white-space: pre-wrap;"> whatever else might be deemed as "all the energy of one's heart." </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: medium; white-space: pre-wrap;">For more information as to why this might be a good idea, please see the following points and cited scriptures."</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Let me be clear. I am not a faster. I've never enjoyed it nor desired it. I find fasting, in any way, torturous, but something told me this fast would be different for me and would not include food, which is what most of us associate with fasting.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">With this particular fast, we are invited to focus on fasting for charity, but I am also fasting to receive further light and knowledge. You see, lately I have been avidly praying to receive my second comforter like so many others have received. Well, I don't know about "so many" but I know quite a few of you out there who have had this experience, and I can't for the life of me figure out why I haven't! I mean, I'm no better or worse than most people, so there must be some other secret ingredient I'm missing. It has been my mission these last few months to figure it out. I really think this fast will be my catalyst. At least I hope so.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Two weeks ago or so, I had an unusual dream, the meaning perfectly clear as soon as I woke, and it knocked me off my feet. A powerful message that told me I was not rising to the "Lord's" occasion. Here's the dream....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I arrived late to a Relief Society meeting. It wasn't my ward, but many of my friends were there. (I haven't attended RS is a couple of years, so it was odd) I hurried to sit down, not wanting to be noticed (in the front of the room). Of course, as soon as I did, the woman in charge asked if I would like to share my story. (I never saw her face, only heard her voice. She felt powerful and completely in charge, but also very patient, loving, and kind) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">NO WAY did I want to share. Everyone was looking at me and waiting, and I felt very uncomfortable. I answered, "What exactly would you like to know?" You see, if they wanted to ask a specific question about my story, I was happy to share, but I didn't want to just dive in and say something that would invite their condemnation. The woman in charge didn't answer my question, but she said, "We can pass you by if you'd like."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That was exactly what I wanted, and I said, "Yes, pass me by." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I was passed by. There was no judgement. I didn't feel looked down on or in any way like I was "wrong" for wanting to crawl under a log and hide. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Then the dream shifted to a long, high wall that we were all shuffling along. We held hands as we made our way, the last person in line helping the next one up. The wall was only a foot in width, so there wasn't much room to balance on. When it was my turn to help someone up, it was an older man who was huge and heavy. I was sure he'd pull me down rather than me successfully helping him up. It took a lot of work, but I got the guy up onto the ledge. What a huge it relief that I was still safe and still on the wall with the others who were trying to get to the desired destination! We then continued shuffling along the wall. Man, was I happy my part was over!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">When I woke up, I felt so unhappy! I knew what this dream was telling me! That I was passing up opportunities to share my testimony! That I am too worried about myself, rather than helping others to rise. And I'll be passed by if that is what I really want, which is okay, but that IS NOT WHAT I WANT! I want the Lord to use me. I want to be an instrument in his hands, and yet, at every opportunity I tell him to pass me by!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">What a huge wake up call!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I sat down and thought about what was holding me back. Insecurity. Fear of rejection from my friends, fear of looking stupid or crazy. Fear of ridicule. Fear of man.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Since that dream I have prayed and prayed for guidance, for what I can do to change course and truly follow the Savior without fear. How could I be more obedient and better prepare myself? This fast. And not just for charity and to better follow Him, but for my second comforter visit, which I feel deep in my heart isn't too far away if I am diligent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The number one thing the Spirit told me to do was to stop watching so much TV. Yep. It's still an issue. One I always feel guilty about. When I'm tired, which I frequently am, it's my go-to. But I need a catalyst to help me. I feel too weak to quit on my own. I need something that will force my hand and motivate me so-to-speak. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">This fast is the perfect thing. I started today. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Normally, I turn on the news first thing, to make sure we're all still here and no national catastrophe has occurred. It relaxes me. But not today. Today I woke up thinking about my bright future and how excited I felt. So far, it hasn't even been hard, but we're only a few hours in.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">My day began with Denver Snuffer's </span><a href="http://denversnuffer.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/The-Testimony-of-St-John.pdf" target="_blank">The Testimony of St. John</a>. It has started my fast off in the right spirit and I hope to experience many great and wonderful things during these next 40 days. If nothing else, I'll fill my mind with great literature and hours of study I would not have normally had. I'll meditate more, do yoga, and listen to a lot of my favorite music. Christian rock. I'll play the piano more, sing, and practice the guitar, which I seldom do anymore. I'll go on long walks and play games with my kids. Things I should be doing already.<br />
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THANK YOU, to whoever thought of this fast, and for inviting everyone to participate. If any of you reading this would like to join in, it's not too late. It's never too late to turn your heart toward the Savior.<br />
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The Lord has invited us all. Many are called, but few are chosen. Oh, please let me be one of the few who are chosen. And may you be too.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-64335352671293711852016-10-16T14:43:00.002-07:002016-10-16T14:47:35.151-07:00The Little Things MatterI had an interesting experience this last week. One of those experiences that when looking back on it, makes your whole soul want to sing, because you realize that those little things DO matter. That God IS watching over you and He DOES care how your life turns out. How your children's lives turn out.<br />
<br />
My sister, who lives almost an hour away texted me last week, inviting me to her daughter's piano recital in two days. I don't go down to her house much anymore for a variety of reasons. Partly because the drive is hard on my body and the anxiety of driving exhausts me. (left over stuff from Lyme) and my sister and I don't have much in common anymore. We have very different values and ethics, and there are times when I don't want my kids around it. I'd rather just stay home and do my thing.<br />
<br />
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<br />
But she is letting my son live at her house while he's going to school and looking for a place of his own, (which is a whole 'nother subject I'm not totally comfortable with) and she has been very loving and generous to him and my other children.<br />
<br />
Her daughter's recital was at seven in the evening. ON A SCHOOL NIGHT! That alone was enough to stop me. I don't like going anywhere in the evening. I'm dead by then AND I'm night blind. But for some reason the Spirit told me to go. Over and over, constantly nagging, nagging, nagging, until finally I gave up and promised I would!<br />
<br />
I didn't understand it. I didn't want to, and for two days I kept trying to think of excuses to give my sister for why I couldn't go. In fact, originally, when I'd answered her, I told her we had something already going on that afternoon but that I'd love to go, meaning I was sorry I couldn't go. But obviously I didn't write that clearly, because she took it to mean we were coming! I didn't have the heart to retract my answer and with the Spirit constantly telling me I should go, I just pulled myself up by the bootstraps, mentally preparing myself for the torture of the drive.<br />
<br />
Well... let me just say... I have never been to a piano recital (and I've been to hundreds. I've played my whole life and even taught for a few years) where EVERY student played like a virtuoso and they were all super young!!! Seriously. I sat there floored and amazed the whole time. The teacher is pricey, but she has a year long waiting list of kids trying to get in with her! Wow! I wanted my kids to have a teacher like that! Every song was well played and beautiful and the teacher didn't just pick the classics. Some students played rock pieces and some new age.<br />
<br />
At he end of the recital, my nine year old turned to me and said, "I want to take piano from THAT teacher!"<br />
<br />
I almost busted up laughing and tried not to be offended, because I'd just started teaching him and my other son (12) a few weeks ago, feeling guilty that I was letting so much time pass without developing this talent and I KNEW they had the talent. But I'm a "tired" teacher, still struggling with liver issues, still having a hard time feeling good. I'm probably no fun.<br />
<br />
The next day I pondered and pondered and felt strongly to ask my town's facebook classifieds page if any of them new of a good piano teacher in town. Long story short, my boys start Tuesday with an amazing lady who I spent quite a bit of time talking with. She's a little pricey also, but will be worth it. I feel really good about her, like she's "the one".<br />
<br />
Now, ever since I've told the boys they're taking with this new, amazing teacher, they have been walking on cloud nine. (crazy, I know, but they're young and don't know any better. *snicker*) And even this morning my 9 yr old son came into my room and thanked me profusely for signing him up.<br />
<br />
The Spirit has since told me I was supposed to go to the recital to see all those amazing students and to get excited about signing my boys up with their own teacher. It would never have happened otherwise. We would have just kept on going the way we were and then that pebble that was supposed to be dropped into the pond would never had made all those ripples it needed to.<br />
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<br />
<br />
Let this be a testimony to everyone, that God DOES care about the little things. The choices we make and the talents we develop matter. As a mother, my responsibility here is clear, and I am SO grateful I listened.Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-29005981371473814432016-10-16T14:43:00.001-07:002016-10-16T14:44:11.578-07:00The Little Things MatterI had an interesting experience this last week. One of those experiences that when looking back on it, makes your whole soul want to sing, because you realize that those little things DO matter. That God IS watching over you and He DOES care how your life turns out. How your children's lives turn out.<br />
<br />
My sister, who lives almost an hour away texted me last week, inviting me to her daughter's piano recital in two days. I don't go down to her house much anymore for a variety of reasons. Partly because the drive is hard on my body and the anxiety of driving exhausts me. (left over stuff from Lyme) and my sister and I don't have much in common anymore. We have very different values and ethics, and there are times when I don't want my kids around it. I'd rather just stay home and do my thing.<br />
<br />
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<br />
But she is letting my son live at her house while he's going to school and looking for a place of his own, (which is a whole 'nother subject I'm not totally comfortable with) and she has been very loving and generous to him and my other children.<br />
<br />
Her daughter's recital was at seven in the evening. ON A SCHOOL NIGHT! That alone was enough to stop me. I don't like going anywhere in the evening. I'm dead by then AND I'm night blind. But for some reason the Spirit told me to go. Over and over, constantly nagging, nagging, nagging, until finally I gave up and promised I would!<br />
<br />
I didn't understand it. I didn't want to, and for two days I kept trying to think of excuses to give my sister for why I couldn't go. In fact, originally, when I'd answered her, I told her we had something already going on that afternoon but that I'd love to go, meaning I was sorry I couldn't go. But obviously I didn't write that clearly, because she took it to mean we were coming! I didn't have the heart to retract my answer and with the Spirit constantly telling me I should go, I just pulled myself up by the bootstraps, mentally preparing myself for the torture of the drive.<br />
<br />
Well... let me just say... I have never been to a piano recital (and I've been to hundreds. I've played my whole life and even taught for a few years) where EVERY student played like a virtuoso and they were all super young!!! Seriously. I sat there floored and amazed the whole time. The teacher is pricey, but she has a year long waiting list of kids trying to get in with her! Wow! I wanted my kids to have a teacher like that! Every song was well played and beautiful and the teacher didn't just pick the classics. Some students played rock pieces and some new age.<br />
<br />
At he end of the recital, my nine year old turned to me and said, "I want to take piano from THAT teacher!"<br />
<br />
I almost busted up laughing and tried not to be offended, because I'd just started teaching him and my other son (12) a few weeks ago, feeling guilty that I was letting so much time pass without developing this talent and I KNEW they had the talent. But I'm a "tired" teacher, still struggling with liver issues, still having a hard time feeling good. I'm probably no fun.<br />
<br />
The next day I pondered and pondered and felt strongly to ask my town's facebook classifieds page if any of them new of a good piano teacher in town. Long story short, my boys start Tuesday with an amazing lady who I spent quite a bit of time talking with. She's a little pricey also, but will be worth it. I feel really good about her, like she's "the one".<br />
<br />
Now, ever since I've told the boys they're taking with this new, amazing teacher, they have been walking on cloud nine. (crazy, I know, but they're young and don't know any better. *snicker*) And even this morning my 9 yr old son came into my room and thanked me profusely for signing him up.<br />
<br />
The Spirit has since told me I was supposed to go to the recital to see all those amazing students and to get excited about signing my boys up with their own teacher. It would never have happened otherwise. We would have just kept on going the way we were and then that pebble that was supposed to be dropped into the pond would never had made all those ripples it needed to.<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
Let this be a testimony to everyone, that God DOES care about the little things. The choices we make and the talents we develop matter. As a mother, my responsibility here is clear, and I am SO grateful I listened.Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-40449009285887007622016-08-09T09:45:00.000-07:002016-08-09T09:45:59.511-07:00Letting Go and Accepting What IsHave you ever forgotten a password or username for some account you use? Did you rant and rave, pull your hair out or want to throw your computer against the wall? After that, did you bargain and plead with God to help you to understand the problem only to face more frustration? (are you recognizing the 5 stages of grief here? LOL)<br />
<br />
I recently did some serious in depth cleaning of my computer since it wasn't behaving and the cleansing period erased some important things. Like hints at what the password and email were for a certain google account.<br />
<br />
The one that affects this blog.<br />
<br />
I hadn't posted for a while, because I wait for the Lord to tell me to, so it's easy to forget little things like passwords or whole freakin' email addresses when my computer erases them. Anyway, a few days ago I felt like I might want to write, and when I tried to log on I couldn't. My password and user ID did not match... according to Google.<br />
<br />
I KNEW I was doing it right. I was right, right, right! I had my password! I could remember it, dang it. After that, I tried every password I could ever remember using. NOTHING worked. After a couple of days of battle I tried to contact Google but they don't pay people to help recover accounts from forgetful people and my attempts at logging in always ended the same way.<br />
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After a week of talking to google "volunteers" and trying to figure it out, and after a solid week of praying and asking for the Lord's help, and not getting it... for SEVEN days, I finally let go. I finally accepted that I might not recover this account, ie this blog. Ever. It might have to be abandoned. And it was <b>finally</b> okay. I could let go, because the Lord was in control. He had already whispered to my mind that if He wanted me to keep blogging, things would work out and I needed to have faith and wait on Him.<br />
<br />
Then, this morning, I thought I'd try one more time, just for curiosity's sake and what do you know? Loud and clear, the mistake I'd made was revealed to my mind. I REMEMBERED what I did wrong. I'd forgotten my own email address, or at least a couple numbers at the end, and it wasn't until I had given up, given in, and calmed my mind, that He could tell me my mistake.<br />
<br />
As soon as I typed in the correct email, everything went through just fine. I now sit here in awe and amazement, listening to my kids argue out in the living room, but I'm not going to let that affect me. I've just experienced something otherworldly. The Lord spoke to my mind. His words were clear. "You forgot the 01 in the email address." I responded with, "Are you serious? I've been miserable all week, trying to figure this out, beating myself up for being so stupid, and THIS is what was wrong all this time?? Why didn't You tell me sooner!!"<br />
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<br />
Well, I suppose it's because the Still Small Voice couldn't get through my manic panic. It occurs to me that this is how things work in all aspects of our lives. How often do we miss the message because our thoughts are too loud? How often do we pray, demanding,<i> tell me how to fix this!,</i> over and over, and hear no answer? I really <i>tried </i>to hear. I wanted to get my blog back like you couldn't believe, but it wasn't until I was willing to sacrifice this blog, to give it up, to give it all to <i>Him, </i>that He finally spoke to me in a way I could hear and understand.<br />
<br />
This is the pattern of my life. Seriously.<br />
<br />
But dang, it was cool and my heart is so full!<br />
<br />
The moral of the story is....<br />
<br />
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<br />Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-3454261239867067452016-06-26T14:23:00.002-07:002016-06-26T16:22:04.113-07:00Turn off that dang TV!I have not written here in a while, and that is because I had nothing to say. It's hard to believe, I know, but I don't want to write just to make noise. I want my posts to make a difference, so I hope they do. Plus, I told the Lord that I wasn't going to write another post unless he told me specifically that I should.<br />
<br />
Today, He told me I should.<br />
<br />
What I'm going to chat with you about today comes from studying with my kids this morning.<br />
Even though I've had a dramatic change of heart over the last few years, I still struggle with making myself sit down and study. And I mean study things that really matter like the Book of Mormon, Preserving the Restoration, or other "good books". I do it every Sunday, but every other day of the week... it's a real crap shoot.<br />
<br />
Why, why, why?<br />
<br />
Why is it so hard to commune with God even though once I start I absolutely LOVE it? When I study and pray, I feel beyond wonderful, and all of you out there who do it know what I mean. So what keeps me from doing it more often? I feel stupid saying, "Satan made me do it" (or not do it) because I have control over my own actions. At least I think so. *snicker*<br />
<br />
I really want to share the gospel with my kids, and the Lord has specifically TOLD me to do it more often... during the week... and I don't.<br />
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<br />
My husband is out of town today, so we didn't take the sacrament this morning (and I seriously debated blessing it myself since God is no respecter of persons, so why not? but I'm not getting a yes answer on that so we skipped it today) I taught the kids from a section of the Lectures on Faith that talks about how we need to know that God IS, then understand who, what, and <i>how</i> He is, and then to understand that we are doing what He wants us to be doing in our lives. It's not about doing what's <i>right </i>per se, but about doing what is right for us specifically.<br />
<br />
Each of my kids (me included) wrote down what we think we are doing that the Lord specifically wants us to be doing and then we wrote down what we are doing that he doesn't want us doing. Like I said before, it wasn't a "right" or "wrong" lesson. I wanted it to be a soul searching experience of knowing where we stand with God. It was pretty cool. The younger kids (9 &11) had a harder time, but it still sank in, especially with my 17 yr old. He and I actually sat down together later and studied more of The Lectures on Faith. It was so fun, so empowering. Why don't I do this more often? Why am I so lazy? Why does Satan have so much power over me that I would rather veg out and watch TV than teach my kids the gospel? Well, it changes today! I've had too many awesome experiences with Him to waste what he's given me. So from now on, when he speaks to my mind and tells me, "it's time to teach the kids this or that," I promise to turn off the TV and do it.<br />
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<br />
I would encourage everyone to sit down with their families and do this--specifically talking about The Lectures on Faith. My kids know NOTHING about that book and it was exciting to teach them that it used to be part of the D &C, that it IS the Doctrine part of the D&C! They were amazed!<br />
<br />
I want to share with you something that was on my list. Something I do that the Lord has specifically asked me not to. Can you believe I actually do things I've been told not to? I do. All the freakin time. Basically, I waste too much time doing things that don't matter. That's what He told me. I'm throwing away the finite hours I have left of this life. And when He says it like that, I feel very small. I don't like it when He gets after me. I don't like being scolded. Not many people do I suppose.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyqZztis3aLIGMHDm4OKOL_qM8C1pZcO-zmd9sbG1qDv1WccCYyEecz8q8YgmsyeaoNqdJkXSUQiER-YyR-1GypGCp95sGQUYPiw4iJupTyyTuBYxyAH31orKlnXnZ0KqYcin-djkujAk/s1600/television-watchin_2954124b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyqZztis3aLIGMHDm4OKOL_qM8C1pZcO-zmd9sbG1qDv1WccCYyEecz8q8YgmsyeaoNqdJkXSUQiER-YyR-1GypGCp95sGQUYPiw4iJupTyyTuBYxyAH31orKlnXnZ0KqYcin-djkujAk/s320/television-watchin_2954124b.jpg" width="320" /></a>Now, I am healing and trying to get better, but I do still have to lie down and rest frequently. Which translates to "I watch too much TV". That is one of the things He has asked me to not do. It's very clear, and yet, I keep doing it. I mean, I'm tired. Why can't I watch TV? What's so wrong with it? I sound like a teenager, right?<br />
<br />
Well, too much of a good thing isn't healthy, whether it's food, drugs, alcohol, or television! (or other technology) It's going to be hard because I developed habit while I was sick, one of which was television, and I enjoy it. A lot. But while I'm lying down, resting, there isn't much I feel like doing, but I could. I could pick up my scriptures or read other good books. I could meditate and pray. Good grief, these are way better things than wasting time watching mindless television that most of the time is NOT uplifting or wholesome.<br />
<br />
My invitation to any and all who read this post is to sit down and figure out if you're doing what the Lord wants YOU to do, and also to pinpoint those things you are doing that you shouldn't be. (not right or wrong, but what is not effective in your life to bring you closer to HIM) It's a way cool experience, but be ready for the answer. He might just tell you to cancel your HBO account.Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-90774993802793020472016-06-26T14:23:00.000-07:002016-06-26T14:23:54.437-07:00Turn off that dang TV!I have not written here in a while, and that is because I had nothing to say. It's hard to believe, I know, but I don't want to write just to make noise. I want my posts to make a difference, so I hope they do. Plus, I told the Lord that I wasn't going to write another post unless he told me specifically that I should.<br />
<br />
Today, He told me I should.<br />
<br />
What I'm going to chat with you about today comes from studying with my kids this morning.<br />
Even though I've had a dramatic change of heart over the last few years, I still struggle with making myself sit down and study. And I mean study things that really matter like the Book of Mormon, Preserving the Restoration, or other "good books". I do it every Sunday, but every other day of the week... it's a real crap shoot.<br />
<br />
Why, why, why?<br />
<br />
Why is it so hard to commune with God even though once I start I absolutely LOVE it? When I study and pray, I feel beyond wonderful, and all of you out there who do it know what I mean. So what keeps me from doing it more often? I feel stupid saying, "Satan made me do it" (or not do it) because I have control over my own actions. At least I think so. *snicker*<br />
<br />
I really want to share the gospel with my kids, and the Lord has specifically TOLD me to do it more often... during the week... and I don't.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjytbcQ6WRsfgFZS-QiQSApTc-m9aEmbhKWOXdC0P9t1OZQ25UZsK0joR8g04JCc0INiBnkOKFywL6k8YPB3AFkMaoW1KX1LqFv3Fe1weamTb9WC_2bGrfxX5rOu-ztapz9psneqf7HIHA/s1600/bible-study_724_482_80.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjytbcQ6WRsfgFZS-QiQSApTc-m9aEmbhKWOXdC0P9t1OZQ25UZsK0joR8g04JCc0INiBnkOKFywL6k8YPB3AFkMaoW1KX1LqFv3Fe1weamTb9WC_2bGrfxX5rOu-ztapz9psneqf7HIHA/s320/bible-study_724_482_80.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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My husband is out of town today, so we didn't take the sacrament this morning (and I seriously debated blessing it myself since God is no respecter of persons, so why not? but I'm not getting a yes answer on that so we skipped it today) I taught the kids from a section of the Lectures on Faith that talks about how we need to know that God is, then understand who, what, and <i>how</i> He is, and then to understand that we are doing what He wants us to be doing in our lives. It's not about doing what's <i>right </i>per se, but about doing what is right for us specifically.<br />
<br />
Each of my kids (me included) wrote down what we think we are doing that the Lord specifically wants us to be doing and then we wrote down what we are doing that he doesn't want us doing. Like I said before, it wasn't a "right" or "wrong" lesson. I wanted it to be a soul searching experience of knowing where we stand with God. It was pretty cool. The younger kids (9 &11) had a harder time, but it still sank in, especially with my 17 yr old. He and I actually sat down together later and studied more of The Lectures on Faith. It was so fun, so empowering. Why don't I do this more often? Why am I so lazy? Why does Satan have so much power over me that I would rather veg out and watch TV than teach my kids the gospel? Well, it changes today! I've had too many awesome experiences with Him to waste what he's given me. If he speaks to my mind and tells me, "it's time to teach the kids this or that," I promise to turn off the TV and do it.<br />
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<br />
I would encourage everyone to sit down with their families and do this--specifically talking about The Lectures on Faith. My kids know NOTHING about that book and it was exciting to teach them that it used to be part of the D &C, that it IS the Doctrine part of the D&C! They were amazed!<br />
<br />
I want to share with you something that was on my list. Something I do that the Lord has specifically asked me not to. Can you believe I actually do things I've been told not to? I do. All the freakin time. Basically, I waste too much time doing things that don't matter. That's what He told me. I'm throwing away the finite hours I have left of this life. And when He says it like that, I feel very small. I don't like it when He gets after me. I don't like being scolded. Not many people do I suppose.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyqZztis3aLIGMHDm4OKOL_qM8C1pZcO-zmd9sbG1qDv1WccCYyEecz8q8YgmsyeaoNqdJkXSUQiER-YyR-1GypGCp95sGQUYPiw4iJupTyyTuBYxyAH31orKlnXnZ0KqYcin-djkujAk/s1600/television-watchin_2954124b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyqZztis3aLIGMHDm4OKOL_qM8C1pZcO-zmd9sbG1qDv1WccCYyEecz8q8YgmsyeaoNqdJkXSUQiER-YyR-1GypGCp95sGQUYPiw4iJupTyyTuBYxyAH31orKlnXnZ0KqYcin-djkujAk/s320/television-watchin_2954124b.jpg" width="320" /></a>Now, I am healing and trying to get better, but I do still have to lie down and rest frequently. Which translates to "I watch too much TV". That is one of the things He has asked me to not do. It's very clear, and yet, I keep doing it. I mean, I'm tired. Why can't I watch TV? What's so wrong with it? I sound like a teenager, right?<br />
<br />
Well, too much of a good thing isn't healthy, whether it's food, drugs, alcohol, or television! (or other technology) It's going to be hard because I developed habit while I was sick, one of which was television, and I enjoy it. A lot. But while I'm lying down, resting, there isn't much I feel like doing, but I could. I could pick up my scriptures or read other good books. I could meditate and pray. Good grief, these are way better things than wasting time watching mindless television that most of the time is NOT uplifting or wholesome.<br />
<br />
My invitation to any and all who read this post is to sit down and figure out if you're doing what the Lord wants YOU to do, and also to pinpoint those things you are doing that you shouldn't be. (not right or wrong, but what is not effective in your life to bring you closer to HIM) It's a way cool experience, but be ready for the answer. He might just tell you to cancel your HBO account.Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-46383077965101504102016-06-08T14:34:00.000-07:002016-06-08T14:34:28.547-07:00Going, going, gone!Isn't it sad that the movies that lift the spirit the most are shoved under the carpet the quickest?<br />
<br />
In a previous post I wrote about <i>Miracles from Heaven.</i> I loved that movie. So many good things to say about it. Today I watched, <i><b>The Letters</b></i>. The story of Mother Teresa.<br />
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<br />
Was there anyone who was a better example of following the Savior? I'm not sure there was... or is. How many people do you know who have left <b>everything </b>to LIVE among the poor and take care of them? Who gave ALL to care for the hungry, naked, and lonely?<br />
<br />
From my youth, I've looked up to her, but as I watched this movie today, I found myself wishing I could be more like her. To have her faith, her determination, her grit.<br />
<br />
But I don't know how to be like her. I can't drop everything and live among the poor. I have a husband and young children to take care of. Now that I know what it means to follow the Savior, I really want to. I want to teach my kids to. I can look for people to serve, but will it truly ever be like what she did? We all have our own paths to follow, but somehow I want one more like hers... sometimes.<br />
<br />
Her life was lonely. She faced so many hardships along the way, yet saw so many miracles. She felt abandoned by the Lord at times. Can you believe that? <i>Her</i>, feeling abandoned? Most people only see what she did on the outside, but don't realize how she was feeling on the inside as the years moved along. She was humble and gave all credit to God, but she also was human. She cried, she ached, she mourned.<br />
<br />
So maybe we can be like her. Someone who keeps going despite our hardships. Someone who prays in faith even when they feel their prayers aren't being heard. Someone who steps out the door to ease someone's suffering even when you're suffering yourself.<br />
<br />
This movie is on Netflix right now, so go watch it. It will fill you with such love that you will be near bursting to share it. This is what we need more of in the world. People who want to be like Mother Teresa. People who hear the Lord's voice and stop at nothing to do what he has commanded them to do.<br />
<br />
Like St. Francis of Assisi, this is my prayer.<br />
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<br />Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-60778969219229336802016-06-06T11:25:00.002-07:002016-06-06T11:25:07.188-07:00The rains came down and the floods came up!Okay, so it wasn't rain, but we still woke up to a flood this last Sunday morning.<br />
<br />
Seriously.<br />
<br />
We found an inch of water in our basement.<br />
<br />
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<br />
For the first time this season, we turned on our sprinklers to water our yard. It went fine, but the last zone would have been on late and our timers aren't hooked up yet. My husband decided he didn't want to stay up til midnight and that he'd just get up early the next morning to water the last zone.<br />
<br />
A glue joint failed in the sprinkler line and blew apart. <b>A one inch line with a hundred pounds of pressure.</b> Yep. A flood.<br />
<br />
My husband woke me up out of a sound sleep at 7:15 AM, and I have a really hard time waking up fast. It's left over ridiculousness from my past illness. Normally, I have to lie in bed and drink water and detox tea for about 20 minutes to a half hour before I can get up and go. So, in a stupor, I stumbled down the stairs to have my feet squish into the lake that was my carpet.<br />
<br />
This is no way for a morning-challenged individual to wake up.<br />
<br />
I made my way to the back bedroom where my husband was firing orders and helping my 16 yr old son empty his room. In the beginning, tempers were short and everyone was bleary-eyed and confused. If it were a fire, I don't think--as a family--we'd make it. We'd be too dang slow getting out of the house.<br />
<br />
In my son's room, water was streaming in through the base of his window. I looked out between the slats of the blinds to see the window-well half full of water. A lake really. I turned to my husband and asked, "Shouldn't we take care of this first?" It seemed comical to see him with the shop-vac, sucking up water from the carpet, when there was at least twenty gallons--or probably more--of water left in the window well.<br />
<br />
I think as humans, we do this often. Focus on the wrong thing, thinking we're solving our problem, when really, all we need to do is turn a few degrees to see what we really need to work on.<br />
<br />
Lucky for me, my husband is a plumbing contractor and he already had a pump, pumping water from the window. Dang, he's good! He was the only one who had a working brain that early.<br />
<br />
We spent the rest of the day emptying three bedrooms, pulling up carpet and padding, taking it out to the truck to go to the dump, and taking our belongings out to the back lawn to dry (blankets, clothes, and part of one mattress was wet)<br />
<br />
Here's the cool thing, and it's something my husband brought up to me. We were SO lucky! It could have been so much worse! Most of our stuff was already in rubber totes and off the floor. The ONLY thing that is probably totally ruined is my son's iPad that he had lying on the floor next to his bed--oh, and his scriptures, which I'm now trying to dry. We seriously couldn't believe it. Even my cedar chest, which was against a wall that had flooding around it, was only damp on the very bottom!! Nothing was harmed on the inside AT ALL! And I'm talking keepsakes, one-hundred year old family bibles, pictures of ancestors, old letters etc...<br />
<br />
We also pulled together to work in harmony--for the most part--and it was something I really prayed for first thing in the morning, because it was really hard to feel cheerful, and everyone was a little ornery. Understandably. But we got along, everyone helping, and I realized there is hope for mankind. If we can make it happen under that kind of stress, <b>anyone </b>can.<br />
<br />
And then there is the miraculous fact that my husband felt like waiting to water the last zone until the morning, and that he even remembered to get up early, that it was only an inch of water and not a foot! And who knows how long it was running? And that the only thing ruined was an iPad! Wow! We feel so blessed.<br />
<br />
Just because you are doing your best, trying to always choose the right, trying to deepen your relationship with the Savior, doesn't mead bad things won't happen to you. Sometimes terrible things. What the Lord does, is help you through it. He'll inspire your mind to wake up early, or tell you to wait until morning to finish watering.<br />
<br />
Do we hear that little voice in our head and think it's the Holy Ghost or do we just assume it's our own mind, droning on in that boring monotone voice we've become accustomed to? My husband and I have learned to not ignore that voice or those gut feelings that have saved our bacon more than once.<br />
<br />
Yeah, we all go through bad things, but if He can, He'll try to make it as easy on us as possible, because we'll all walk through hills and valleys in this life--and sometimes even the shadow of death--but He is always with us if we open our eyes to see Him.<br />
<br />
His yoke is easy and his burden is light.<br />
<br />
<br />Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-79673629093972315442016-06-02T19:11:00.000-07:002016-06-02T19:17:53.278-07:00A prophet! A prophet! We don't need another prophet!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-OgHiNbiI8QUAMOSAxpry4KxBbOGD9kQLOjnTps241Y06KwQDDnaZTDyaLpLloMYGocC6nE2E0RkSygAgujSlSCTFFAepuHielJ0z5rkEiOW1y8BiCQLJU0tElu7NrrCkD_cMsMcjIU/s1600/we-are-not.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgT-OgHiNbiI8QUAMOSAxpry4KxBbOGD9kQLOjnTps241Y06KwQDDnaZTDyaLpLloMYGocC6nE2E0RkSygAgujSlSCTFFAepuHielJ0z5rkEiOW1y8BiCQLJU0tElu7NrrCkD_cMsMcjIU/s400/we-are-not.jpg" width="400" /></a>I frequently go a spiritual healer and she has become a close friend, someone amazing who has done SO much to help me on my road to healing... physically and spiritually. I would even go so far as to call her a prophetess of sorts.<br />
<br />
We don't put much stock in spiritual healers in the Church, and she (let's call her Maggie) <i>is </i>LDS, although I would call her fringe LDS because of what she does and teaches. Even so, her testimony in the "Church" is still rock solid. It's the only place we really differ in our opinions, but that's okay. She's living her truth and I'm living mine. If you want to know how two different truths can be true at the same time, read this AWESOME post about "truths" from <a href="http://journeytothefullness.com/truths-and-spheres/" target="_blank">Journey to the Fullness. </a><br />
<br />
Our daughters became friends at the charter school we both send our kids to and they wanted to get together and hang out, so I called Maggie who I didn't know at all, wanting to introduce myself. I was still very sick at the time and did not want to drive a lot and hoped she'd bring her daughter to our house. She asked about my illness and then offered her services. She is a licensed Naturopath as well as having a degree in physics and I think something else, I think. She's pretty dang smart.<br />
<br />
The last thing I wanted was another doctor and I told her I was happy with mine. She said, "I'm not that kind of doctor." I didn't know at the time that she was a doctor of the spirit, which honestly, I'd never heard of. She kept pressing me, so I relented. I later learned that she'd felt really impressed to meet with me. She does accept pay, because she does this for her living, but she doesn't put a price on it. She tells people to pay either what they can afford or what the Spirit tells them to.<br />
<br />
Long story short, she has taught me some amazing things. Some of which I had to go home and really study and pray about. You see, our minds, traditions, and habits, often don't LET us think past what we already know. Some things are just too impossible, too far fetched or difficult to understand. I find this happens all the time, even with the people who have left the LDS faith in search of higher truth and light. Some still can't wrap their minds around things that are too "far out" to grasp. Even when the Spirit whispers it's true. It's like reading Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith or reading the Lectures on Faith for the first time. It blows our minds that OUR beloved prophet would teach such wild, "out there" things.<br />
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Maggie has taught me how to cast out devils, demons, dark spirits etc... and what their differences are and why they get attached to us (and we ALL have spirits attached to us, which is why the Savior spent so much time casting out evil spirits while he was here). She taught me how to make sure I am connected to the REAL Jesus Christ. There are a lot of bad guys out there, ready and willing to be "your" savior and some people get connected to them and then wonder why when they raise their arm to the square to make an evil spirit leave, it doesn't work.<br />
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She taught me that you have to use "qualifiers" when you do things in Jesus' name to let everyone and every "thing" know you are talking about THE Jesus Christ. Qualifiers are other names the Savior goes by, like the Holy one of Israel, Alpha and Omega, the Great I am, The Son of God, Savior of the world etc... So, in other words, when casting out evil spirits you'd say something like...<br />
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"In the name of Jesus Christ, the Holy One of Israel, the Son of God, I command all evil spirits, demons, and devils to depart. I ask Heavenly Father to send holy angels to escort these spirits to wherever they need to go, and to fill that vacuum they leave behind with light and healing, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."<br />
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We do not need the priesthood to cast out evil spirits, just faith and the power Jesus lends us. He expects us to do these things and yet they've been forgotten. When was the last time you saw someone cast out an evil spirit in Gospel Doctrine class? That would be one class I would attend!<br />
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When my son was on his mission, he had the opportunity to do this. He and his comp went to the Elder's Quorum prsident's house one evening. The guy lived in a house with a bunch of other people, because they were poor and were pooling their resources. In the back room there was a man lying naked on the table, thrashing and looking totally possessed (Think The Exorcist. Seriously.)<br />
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Immediately my son had a powerful feeling to put his hands on the man and command the evil spirits to come out. It terrified him to do it, but Maggie and I had taught him how and he had the faith and ability, so he did. He placed one hand on the guy and the other to the square, and in Jesus Christ's name, voiced the command. My son's companion had gotten totally wigged out before this and had fled the house before my son had time to do anything, so he was alone with the EQ pres and this wigged out stranger.<br />
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The guy stopped thrashing immediately. He jumped off the table, his wits having come back to him once again, and grabbed a blanket to wrap around himself. He said he was freezing and to call an ambulance. He'd been doing drugs, you see. Drugs and alcohol give easy access to bad spirits who want inside us.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVF9cTejxXyJbvQdnddp4sc7RLLLkq7HaKWYpQkqJbiAF6_o2_EdTXhB2Q_9k4jXmqY3eXkWisrC00_Go0v2Q_79tjGdEaNUQqhFefU1_71nmJBHRgE4ZYDebIgH9fzalkUcyekkBUdz4/s1600/hqdefault.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVF9cTejxXyJbvQdnddp4sc7RLLLkq7HaKWYpQkqJbiAF6_o2_EdTXhB2Q_9k4jXmqY3eXkWisrC00_Go0v2Q_79tjGdEaNUQqhFefU1_71nmJBHRgE4ZYDebIgH9fzalkUcyekkBUdz4/s320/hqdefault.jpg" width="320" /></a>Anyway, my son told me that it was an amazing and powerful experience that gave him a firm testimony of the power the Savior holds over demons.<br />
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Evil spirits will frequently be drawn back to their "victim" under certain circumstances and Maggie has taught me the different techniques that need to be done to keep them away, healing through energy and prayer. Everything physical leaves a spiritual footprint. Both need to be healed to be completely overcome.<br />
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There is so much more to the world of spirits than we are aware of and yet it is very real. We can become connected to spirits and unseen worlds when we become addicted to things like video games, drugs and alcohol, or suffer abuse. There is so much information that I can't even begin to share it all. Maggie puts on seminars and lectures to teach others how to do these things themselves and has a great mission to get this information out there. It's hard work and she's busy doing these things almost 24/7.<br />
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If you have addictions you can't overcome, demons that haunt you, anger issues you can't get rid of or understand, or any other issue that plagues you, she can help. If you can't come to her house, she uses Skype. She and her husband help people all over the world! It can get pretty deep and heavy, and some people have a hard time with what she teaches, but whenever I have difficulty doing or believing something, I come home, study and pray about it, and ten the Spirit usually whispers that she was correct after all.<br />
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What she is doing is absolutely what the Savior wants her doing. Of that I have no doubt. I am so grateful there are people here on Earth who have this kind of knowledge, who can help those of us who don't.<br />
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If you want more info, let me know.Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-68852214593625409262016-05-31T11:56:00.000-07:002016-05-31T13:15:05.125-07:00The Lord told you to WHAT???Not long ago, one Sunday morning, I woke up and felt like we should take our kids to see the movie, Miracles from Heaven. It had just come out and I'd heard good things about it, but hadn't decided on a day to go see it.<br />
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Our Sundays are so peaceful now that we've quit going to church. It used to seem like World War Three trying to get everyone ready on time. I don't know why there was so much contention. Maybe we're more argumentative in our home than other families. Who knows? I'd like to think we aren't that different, but we do have two teenagers living here, so that tells you something.<br />
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Anyway, as the day progressed, and after we'd had our own little worship service, I felt impressed again that we should take our kids to see that movie. Now, I am still steeped in quite a few past traditions I was raised with, one of those being, you DON'T go to movies on Sunday.<br />
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I turned to my husband, who was sitting on the bed next to me, and asked how he'd feel about going to see that movie today. He shrugged and said it didn't matter to him. You see, he wasn't raised in the church and had never become fully entrenched in the LDS traditions, and there were a lot of things he didn't agree with during the time of his "active" status. At the time, I took what I could get and I was just grateful he'd be active with me at all--and he was... for 13 long years without a complaint.<br />
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I decided to pray about it--which has become my go-to about anything I don't "get". I got the same answer. "Take your kids to see this movie and take them today." I answered by saying that it wasn't keeping the Sabbath day holy to go to the movies on Sunday, and the Spirit, who is ever patient with me, repeated himself.<br />
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So, with my heart fluttering in fear--because seriously folks--it was scary doing something like this that I had been taught from my first moments of life--was wrong. We hopped in the car and went to the theater!<br />
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I actually hoped I wouldn't see anyone else I knew there! How stupid, since if I did see someone I knew, they'd be "sinning" too! We all settled into our seats with our treats and I remember having this totally giddy feeling. I can't really describe it other than to say I felt so good, so free, so happy, being there. Like this was "right". Even though I'd fought my traditions the whole way, I knew we were being obedient.</div>
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There aren't words to describe how I felt during that movie, how "moving" it was for all of us. There wasn't a dry eye in the house, especially mine. If you haven't seen it, rent it for sure! It's not in theaters anymore, but it might be out in DVD.</div>
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<b>But that's not the end of this cool adventure. </b>The Lord wasn't through teaching me! </div>
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On the ride home, we were all so happy, giggling even, talking about our favorite parts of the show, when my 14 yr old daughter said to me, "I'd like a cross necklace of my own. Like the girl in the movie."</div>
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My heart stopped right there! We don't wear crosses in our church! Wait a minute. I'm not in that church anymore. I don't need to abide by it's rules... or did I on this one?</div>
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If you haven't seen it, there is a scene where the main character, a very sick little girl who is dying of a rare digestive illness, takes off her cross necklace. Her mom hangs it on the IV pole as she's about to go to have an MRI. Her roommate, another very sick little girl who has cancer, asks her why she wears the cross. (she's atheist and has no idea what the cross represents to the little girl) The girl, (sorry, I can't remember names) with the stomach problems says... and here's the part I love... <i>"I wear it because it reminds me that God is always with me."</i></div>
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Such a powerful moment in the movie. </div>
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My knee jerk reaction to my daughter was to tell her no, but the spirit stopped me, asking me, "What's wrong with wearing a cross?" Well, the reason the church gave me from the time I could speak didn't seem like a valid reason to me anymore. Yes, we focus on Christ's life and not his death, yada, yada, yada, but I had the feeling that there was more to it. Of course, He didn't just give me the answers. I had to figure it out for myself. </div>
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I texted Adrien Larsen and asked him if he knew. He wasn't totally sure, but did tell me that the cross was common decor in early LDS church buildings and that it's use diminished in the early 1900's because of cultural belief. </div>
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So, I dove in, looking up where our aversion to the cross came from. I learned that it did start in the early 1900's with a president of the church (seriously can't remember which one now. You'll have to look it up if you want the details. I told you I had serious memory issues! LOL) who didn't want us associated with the Catholic Church AT ALL. He publicly called them the Whore of all the Earth and started the new rule that we should not wear crosses anymore--that it was the mark of the beast! I learned in my research that many early apostles were buried with a cross on their caskets. Wow! Here is an interesting article I found in my research. Read it at your leisure <a href="http://archive.sltrib.com/story.php?ref=/ci_12256269" target="_blank">HERE.</a></div>
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And if Joseph Smith didn't have an issue with the cross, then I wouldn't either anymore! </div>
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Easier said than done.</div>
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I prayed about what I'd learned, asking for the Lord's advice at this point. He told me that if my daughter wanted a cross, and it made her think of Him, and reminded her that He was ALWAYS with her, then she should wear it. The cross is the universal symbol of Christianity and if one person wants to give it the meaning of death, torture, and agony, that's their prerogative. If it means to someone else, life, resurrection, and the sacrifice of the Lord, then great!</div>
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I told my daughter she could absolutely have a cross and we went about the job of finding the perfect one. She now wears it all the time. She loves it and it makes her feel connected to the Savior in a way she needed. </div>
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I own a cross too. I've owned it from the time I was born. My aunt, who belonged to some Pentecostal church I don't remember the name of, gave it to me at the time of my birth. It's meant for a newborn, so the cross is tiny, silver, and extremely beautiful. I never wore it once in 45 years. I wear it all the time now. </div>
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Here's the thing. I still have hangups about wearing it. I'm trying to get over them, but I feel self conscious when I have it on, wondering what my "Mormon" friends will think if they see me. I used to be one of them. I know how it is. I know how they think, and I don't like people condemning me. (yes, it's one of my weaknesses. I'm well aware). </div>
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We are all SO judgmental. It's automatic. Even among those of us who have left the church in search of more truth and light. We pick each other apart if we don't understand another's witness. I mean, how do you argue when someone says, "the Lord told me to do this?" How can we say, "No he didn't! He'd never say <i>that</i>!" How do we know what he'd say? </div>
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"My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts." (something to remember)</div>
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My cross means a few different things to me. It reminds me that the Lord is always with me. It reminds me of his sacrifice. It reminds me of all I left behind when I left the church. The good and the bad. It reminds me of what I'm searching for and hoping to find--A face to face with the Savior. And last of all, it reminds me of how much I used to judge people who were different from me, how much I still judge people, and how I hope to stop doing that. The Lord teaches us all in individual ways. He gives us the lessons we need in the way we need them. </div>
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Let's cast off our judgments and just love one another... it's one of the greatest commandments, after all.</div>
<br />Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-22878711187298032152016-05-28T16:36:00.000-07:002016-05-28T16:37:19.845-07:00And don't come back unless you repent!I was mowing the lawn one Saturday evening a year ago (my husband was out there with me weed-eating) when the entire bishopric showed up at our house and handed over a letter sealed in an envelope. They didn't stay to visit, to ask how we were, or anything else. They got back into their car and drove away as we stood there in confusion, staring after them.<br />
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We went inside and read the letter together. It was a letter from our bishop. This is what it said.</div>
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"Because we have been unable to get together, I feel it necessary to write </div>
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this letter. I am deeply concerned about you and the direction you have </div>
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taken. I would sincerely like to meet with you and discuss your concerns, </div>
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and until we do, I need to counsel you to refrain from sharing your new </div>
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found beliefs in church meetings or with members or non-members within </div>
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or outside the ward. You are welcome to attend as long as your </div>
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conduct and comments do not cause disruption and are consistent </div>
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with established church doctrine. Failure to heed this counsel can </div>
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be considered apostasy and would be cause for disciplinary action.</div>
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I hope you realize what you stand to lose if you persist in following the </div>
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teachings of an apostate. You could lose the blessings of an </div>
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eternal family, temple blessings, priesthood, and even your membership </div>
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in the church.</div>
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I encourage you to come meet with me as quickly as possible and hopefully </div>
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we will be able to work through these issues.</div>
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Sincerely, Bishop --------- "</div>
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Here's the funny thing. In the year and a half preceding this letter, I'd never caused a disruption, argued, or talked about my "new found" views with anyone at church. I hadn't really gone to church much as I'd been so sick. I was shocked that he thought he could tell us not to discuss our beliefs with anyone out of the ward or anyone not a member, let alone those in the church. That's basically the whole world. I laugh just thinking about it. I did write back. </div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">Dear Bishop May 12, 2015<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">We sure appreciate your concern for us, but this is getting
blown way out of proportion. I think we should clear things up, so there is no
misunderstanding. We are not following anyone but the Savior, and him alone. We
do not follow Denver Snuffer. We don’t associate with him. We don’t give him
money, and we have nothing to do with him. We just had serious questions and he
was able to answer some of them in the books he wrote. Instead of condemning us
and assuming things, maybe you should take the time to read what he actually
wrote. He has vast knowledge of the Book of Mormon and has made me fall in love
with that book more than at any other time in my life. I feel closer to the Savior
than I ever have. My life has completely changed and I feel God’s love so fully
and profoundly that it cannot be denied. We have experienced many miracles
recently and it is all because we went in search of the Savior and we found
him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;"> I don’t know where
you are getting the idea that we believe in anything else. We have not come in
to meet with you because we know there is no point. You won’t listen to what we
have to say, we know. There should be plenty of room in the church for slight
variances of belief. Are we supposed to be sheep? We can’t study on our own and
learn doctrine that isn’t discussed in Sunday school?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">And even if we <i>were</i>
wrong, threatening to excommunicate us for discussing our profound love of the
Savior with anyone outside the church or outside our neighborhood is completely
out of line. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">Anyway, I like the way Joseph Smith said it best…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;"><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">"I do not like the old man being called up
for erring in doctrine. It looks too much like the Methodists and not like the
latter-day-saints. Methodists have creeds which a man must believe or be kicked
out of their church. I want the liberty of thinking and believing as I please.
It feels so good not to be trammeled." Joseph Smith</span></i><i><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: purple;">We
aren’t out to cause problems or create drama. We haven’t done anything to
warrant what feels like persecution and threats. I have been a member of this
church for forty-four years and I’ve never felt singled out like this, just
because I may think a verse in the Book of Mormon may mean something different
than someone else. I love the gospel. I love the Book of Mormon. I am not
afraid of my church’s history or studying Joseph Smith’s words. For too long
they have been hidden. I love learning and I intend to “search out the best
books and learn” all I can before I die.</span></span><span style="background-color: purple;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Okay, so I probably made a mistake using the term "sheep", because in the letter I received back from the bishop, he jumped all over that, saying we <i>should </i>be like sheep. The Savior's sheep etc... Anyway, I'm not going to get into that, but after receiving that second letter, my husband went over to the bishop's house and nicely told him to leave us alone. </div>
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And he has.</div>
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So, we are not excommunicated as of yet. We haven't resigned either. Mainly because that seems like a lot of work and would take energy I don't have. I just don't care enough to do it. I don't feel like a Mormon anymore. I don't subscribe to the church anymore. It isn't something I care about anymore. I'm tired of being a square peg pushed, shoved, and hammered into a round hole. I'm done. Completely. My husband feels the same, thank heaven. </div>
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Here's to moving forward.</div>
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Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-87578926905611668422016-05-27T12:14:00.001-07:002016-06-04T13:34:49.967-07:00As I went down in the river to pray<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I know there are a lot of people, who when they begin this particular spiritual journey, wonder "when" they should be re-baptized. They have a testimony of the Savior, the Book of Mormon and the many things that are being opened up to them in that marvelous book, most have read Denver Snuffer's books and know of his admonishment, as well as the Lord's to be re-baptized, but often, we wait for a sign from heaven. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But most of that time, the sign comes after the obedience, which totally sucks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zSif77IVQdY" width="459"></iframe></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I wonder if it's fear holding people back. True-blue, unadulterated fear. Are they holding onto friends and family who they don't want to disappoint? Are they afraid their reputations would be ruined if anyone found out? They would be. Maybe it's that they don't want their neighbors to know they're "apostates." And they probably don't want to put all these people, who they love, through the agony of their excommunication. But are those good enough reasons to hold back, waiting? Is your excuse that the Lord hasn't told you specifically to be re-baptized? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">May I be bold and say, <b>yes he has</b>. Many times over. Every time you read the scriptures and every time you listen to Denver speak.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This post is for the scardy-cats. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was one of the scardy-cats. I didn't want to ruin a good thing, and I had a good reputation in our ward until my son came home early from his mission. I was respected by friends and liked being looked up to. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This post is the story of how I escaped the garbage of fear and doubt and was finally re-baptized.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I'd had a feeling for a long while that I should do it, but I told the Lord it just wasn't working out. There was nowhere to BE baptized that wasn't FULL of people, and I wanted my baptism to be beautiful and sacred, without a large audience. Honestly, if I were telling the whole truth, there was a piece of my heart that was embarrassed to be seen being baptized in this area of over-populated Mormons. What would they think???</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I spent months in this debate.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Then, in June of last year, my sister who lives on Maui called me and said, "I'm bored, lonely, and depressed. I'm buying your ticket and you're coming to visit." My first reaction was that I couldn't go to Hawaii! I was too sick still. I didn't have the energy. I had to do daily detox cleanses and it was just too hard, but something inside me told me I needed to do this, so with a leap of faith, I said okay.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After I had made the decision to go, the ever-pressing need to be baptized magnified. I had the thought, <i>wouldn't it be cool to be baptized there?</i> Why, yes it would, the Lord seemed to say. I didn't know anyone there who was like me in my "new-found" beliefs, and neither did my sister who doesn't think anything like me spiritually or religiously, and hasn't been active in the church for years and years.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I got on LDS Remnant on facebook and asked if anyone knew of someone in Hawaii who could baptize me. I didn't expect much to happen, and honestly, I was afraid someone WOULD know who could baptize me there. I was still letting fear dictate my life. I'm sure there are a few of you out there who know what I mean. And wouldn't you know it? There was a man there who could do it. Except the guy didn't live on Maui. He lived on the big island. Well, dang. Guess I couldn't be baptized after all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The Lord had other ideas and told me to contact him anyway, so I obeyed. He (we'll call him George) was overjoyed to do this for me. At first, we tried to figure out ways to get my sister and me over to the big island, but I just couldn't afford two tickets there. I didn't have much money, most of my money had gone toward medical expenses. I was dirt poor. And then George offered to fly to Maui. He and I had frequent phone calls trying to work things outs, flights etc... But s</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">omething inside kept losing faith and kept telling me I should just let it go. Cancel the whole thing. It was too hard and too much work and I didn't have the money to pay for George's ticket to Maui. I later found out that the Lord told George not to offer to pay, because I needed to learn sacrifice if I </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">really </i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">wanted to make this happen. Funny thing, He'd told me the same thing in a very humbling moment of prayer. I tended to give up if things got too hard, but Jesus wasn't about to me do that this time. I DID want this to happen. The closer it got, the more I </span><i style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">desperately </i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">wanted it to happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">George did the bulk of the work, trying to find a flight that would bring him to Maui and have it fit both our schedules and be one I could afford (he was about to leave for the states, but before I'd even called him, he was going to get a ticket for July 3rd, a Friday, but the spirit had told him to go on the Sunday instead. George had thought it strange at the time, but had obeyed and had bought his ticket for the states for the 5th instead.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And then I'd called him! It was an amazing testimony that things are NOT random. That the Lord DOES make things happen on schedule when we let him! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We booked the flight and I paid for it, (keeping my fingers crossed that my husband wouldn't kill me for spending more money) I was so scared and excited. My baptism would be on July, 3rd, the only day George and I could get together. The day he had originally wanted to leave for the states. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">George asked me where I wanted the baptism to take place. I had no idea. I didn't know Hawaii at all. Now I know a ton of places, but he said he knew one that would be perfect.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">When we picked him up at the airport and I met George for the first time, I was blown away by how loving he was. Never had I met anyone (and I'm not kidding) who reminded me so much of the Savior. He was so kind and non-judgmental. He was also drop dead gorgeous and hard to not stare at. A Greek god. Seriously. My sister, who was single at the time, nearly fell over her feet, all gaga for him. Thank heavens he took it in stride!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He asked if we could stop at the store to buy bread and wine, so of course we did that. I'd never taken the sacrament with wine before. He bought kosher wine and a special kind of bread that I can't remember the name of. (One of those stupid forgetful brain things).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">We drove the the Iao Valley National Park, which is one of the most beautiful places on Earth. To the Hawaiians, it's a sacred, very holy place, where their kings and queens are buried. I couldn't think of a better place to have my baptism, except for one problem....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It was the 4th of July weekend and everyone was out to enjoy a good time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">George said not to worry, that the Lord would provide and had shown him exactly where we should do the baptism. George had been to the Iao Valley before, so I trusted him and followed him down the lush, green path. It wasn't long before we detoured <i>off </i>the path that went in direct violation to the signs posted that said to "stay on the path". George didn't seem to mind that we were breaking the rules. We hiked over to where the stream cuts through the woods, like you see in these pictures and I'd never seen anything so beautiful and peaceful. Except when we stepped out into the clearing, in the spot George had said the Lord had shown him, it was full of people! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">For a split second I panicked.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">All George said was, "Huh. I'd thought for sure this was the spot." He turned without a second thought and followed the stream down (not on a path, if I remember right) over logs and boulders. A few minutes later we stepped out into a beautiful location. Not a soul in sight, which was miraculous in itself. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Right before us lay the perfect font. George stopped and said, "This is it. This is the place the Lord showed me." You see, even George had made a mistake. He had assumed he "knew" the Lord's thoughts, knew exactly what He'd meant--that water hole up the stream. But God had intended a different location all the time. It's a mistake all of us frequently make--assuming we understand things completely. But the Savior lovingly pointed us to where we were really supposed to go and when we made it there, the spirit confirmed that this was where we should be. It was truly an amazing experience I can hardly put into words.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> This is an actual photo I took of the spot. It's much deeper than it looks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The exact depth it needed to be. About three and a half feet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">A cool thing is, that almost ALWAYS at that time of day, in the afternoon, the Iao Valley clouds over and it rains. It's seldom that it doesn't happen, but when we stepped out into the correct spot, there was literally a pillar of light shining through the clouds onto the pool of water where we were going to perform the baptism. The rest of the stream was in shadow. This is a photo of that moment. (I have pics of the actual baptism and a bunch with all of us who were there, but I feel impressed to keep them private)</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Let me sidestep for a second. My sister has a friend, who when she heard (because my sis has kind of a loud mouth and announced it to everyone) that I was going to renew my vows to the Savior, she wanted to come. My first was reaction was to say no. This was supposed to be a special experience! Sacred and reverent and this friend was anything but! She was older, yet wore teeny-tiny mini skirts and very revealing tops. She smoked a lot and drank even more. </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">(yes, I realize how judgemental this sounds, but I'm trying to be honest)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I didn't want her there, but before I could open MY big mouth, the Lord told me to let her come. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">He is much wiser than I.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">So, there the four of us were, on the edge of heaven, sitting on the shores of this beautiful stream. George broke the break and poured the wine and blessed it. We all took the sacrament together. The emotions flowing through me were overwhelming. So powerful that I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face at the gift I was being given. I didn't deserve it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">George asked me to share why I was doing this, so I did, my heart overflowing with the peace and love for these three people with me. A love that was unexplainable, but powerful. Then my sister shared her feelings, (all unplanned) and they were beautiful. Then her friend, who was born and raised Catholic asked if she could share. She told us how grateful she was that I had allowed her to come, that she'd needed this, that she didn't have many spiritual experiences in her life, and then she shared the story of her miraculous healing from epilepsy when she was young. It was truly amazing and had us in tears again. Her experience had solidified her testimony of the Savior. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I was so grateful the Lord had known better and had wanted her there with us. She added to the spirit of the occasion more than words can express and I was brought to my knees in shame for having initially not wanting her to come. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Then George led me down into the water. He held is arm to the square--this beautiful soul who looked just like a Nephite Warrior. And then he prayed, asking God to give him the authority to perform my baptism. The spirit surrounding us was so thick you could cut it. And then he dipped me below the water, washing away my doubts, my fears, my past, my sins. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don't remember feeling a "baptism of fire" when I came up. I only remember seeing the sun shining down on us and feeling so happy. Happier than I had for a long time. I left that experience, knowing it was right, that it was a gift, that too many miraculous things had happened to make it turn out, to be a coincidence. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The Lord <i>wants </i>us to be baptized. He has commanded us to do it, to re-commit. Don't let anything stop you. Not the church, your friends, or your family. Don't purposely hold yourself back, which was what I'd been doing. The Lord had specifically told me that I would not move forward and have more spiritual experiences--like I was begging him for--until I did this. Since that time, last July, I can't even tell you how much I've grown. How easily his voice comes to me. How easily I hear his commands and feel inspiration. Greater things are coming. I know this. And I can't wait.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Be true and faithful. Not afraid. Be not ashamed, like I had been. Once you make the commitment to do it, the Lord will do the rest.</span><br />
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Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-2396072650016640702016-05-26T06:00:00.000-07:002016-05-26T10:54:56.935-07:00Sent home a disgraceI was perfectly content living in the middle.<br />
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By that I mean, believing what Denver Snuffer had taught me in his books, having spiritual experiences myself, AND being an active Latter Day Saint. I was a stellar member and would comment regularly in Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society, trying to help people open their minds and souls to the spirit. I was still a believer and drew self esteem from being popular among my friends and "looking good" to the fine people of my ward--all the while secretly studying forbidden doctrine.<br />
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When my son came of age to serve a mission, he had is own experiences that changed his mind from not wanting to serve at all to feeling impressed that he should go.<br />
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I was beyond excited! Especially since I'd served a mission myself. I was familiar with all the great things he would experience. I knew the friendships he would make, the families whose lives he would affect. Plus, it made me feel like a successful parent, having my oldest child serve a mission. I liked the feeling it gave me, having a missionary I could brag about. (I'm being brutally honest here... obviously)<br />
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I'm going to take a quick detour for a moment.<br />
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From the very beginning, I felt like my bishop didn't like me. When I taught Gospel Doctrine, ( a few years before I got sick) he would sit on the front row, frowning at me, like his disapproved of the way I taught. I liked my class to be deep and interesting and long before I found Denver, I was asking hard questions of my class, trying to get them to dig deep and find difficult answers. I frequently received praise for my lessons. One high councilman personally requested my ward so he could attend my class. I'm not saying this to brag, although it did make me feel really good, but to paint a picture of the good that was happening in our ward. I liked pushing the envelope. I like asking uncomfortable questions and I really liked helping people find the darkness inside and eradicating it. I liked being up front and leading the discussions, and I REALLY loved the praise I received. In a way, I needed it, feeling like I needed to be good at <i>something</i>. Anyway, my bishop--before he was my bishop--did not appreciate my technique and style. Like I said, he frequently sat on the front row frowning. He's a scriptorian. Has the scriptures practically memorized, and I don't think he appreciated my interpretations.<br />
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When he was announced as our new bishop, the spirit told me right in that moment that I would be released, and it would happen really soon. I didn't believe it. I'd barely been in a year. But exactly two weeks later I was released. I couldn't believe it. This was the beginning of a downhill slide for our family.<br />
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I don't hold anything against our bishop--anymore--but for a while there, it was really hard to not feel angry about everything we experienced where he was concerned. Our interviews were stilted and uncomfortable--he actually sat and played with his ipad for 15 minutes while we waited for our son to arrive at the interview. He'd been caught in traffic on the way home from work. My husband and I sat in silence in his office, waiting and waiting, with no conversation, no small talk. Nothing. Pure silence. It was at the moment--the last straw, the cherry on top--that I vowed never to have an interview with him again, and that was BEFORE all of the Denver mess.<br />
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My son, who was preparing to serve a mission felt even less liked. Interviews for him were dreaded and the bishop made him feel like he was lacking or unqualified at every turn.<br />
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But my son persevered and I was so proud of him!<br />
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On his mission, with his second companion, he really struggled. His comp would 't leave their apartment until five in the evening since that is when men came home from work and they couldn't teach women, so for the whole day, my son was stuck at home, trying to find ways to entertain himself. He spent most of the time studying, for hours and hours. He asked me to send him material to read and so I did. I bought him <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Removing-Condemnation-Denver-Snuffer-Jr/dp/0615438865" target="_blank">Removing the Condemnation</a> and sent him articles from <a href="http://www.totheremnant.com/" target="_blank">Adrien Larson's blog--To the Remnant</a>. He absolutely soaked it up like a rain-starved desert plant.<br />
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The problems came when he tried to teach his district the lesson<a href="http://www.totheremnant.com/2014/11/feeling-and-fooling-spirit.html" target="_blank"> "Feeling and Fooling the Spirit"</a> that Adrien had written about. It was the most powerful post my son had ever read and he couldn't stop talking about it. His comp began to tattle on him to the president at every turn. My son had multiple interviews that grew more and more uncomfortable as time went on. Finally, he was accused of being an apostate and if he didn't stop all this nonsense and repent, he'd be sent home. One of the many issues was that my son refused to say he thought Pres. Monson was a prophet. Imagine how that went over.<br />
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My son called and told me of all the terrible things that were going on, and that he would probably be coming home soon. His president told him that he was to watch general conference and then they would talk again after. Literally, the next day, five days <i>before </i>conference, he was called into the president's office and was grilled for more information about Denver Snuffer. My son ended up just telling his pres that he wanted to go home, and that after he admitted it out loud, the spirit confirmed to him that it was the correct thing to do.<br />
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I called his president myself. The man was a stickler for the rules, didn't let the missionaries hand out Books of Mormon until the second discussion (of which there were few because it was super hard to even get a first discussion), he would only let them do four hours of service a week, and the missionary handbook was their book of scripture. He told me all of the things my boy was doing wrong, and I informed him that I couldn't be prouder of the mission my son had served so far, and that as far as I was concerned, he was coming home a success.<br />
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My son only wanted to <i>serve</i>. Really serve the people in his mission. He wanted to teach straight from the Book of Mormon, like missionaries in Joseph Smith's time, but he wasn't allowed to. And if he tried, his comp would turn him in with every offense. It was so difficult for him and super depressing.<br />
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When my son came home two days later, our entire family--aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents--were at the airport with posters and balloons, cheering at the bottom of the escalators. You see, no one in my family is active and no one in my husband's family is a member, so nobody thought my son coming home early was anything but wonderful! As soon as he saw us, the tears began. He couldn't believe we were all there for him. He'd actually thought he would have to slink out of the airport a disgrace. Not my boy!!! <br />
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His coming home early kicked us out of the closet though! Neither our bishop nor stake president had ever heard of Denver Snuffer, but that quickly changed and we started getting regular phone calls from both of them, asking us to come in for interviews.<br />
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The first one, only my husband went to. At that time, he turned in his temple recommend, saying, "If my son isn't worthy to teach, then neither am I." (he was an elder's quorum teacher at the time.) When we quit paying our tithing to the church, mine was also revoked. We didn't go to any more interviews. I just didn't want to. I was tired of the drama and I'd seen so many people get excommunicated that I didn't want to put my kids through that at the time. <i>I</i> didn't want to go through that at the time either.<br />
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I'd like to say it all turned out butterflies and roses, but the truth is much more heartbreaking.<br />
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My son was singled out an embarrassed in our own ward, so he decided to go to a singles ward. As soon as he walked in those doors the next week (literally) the bishop grabbed him and took him to his office for an interview and started grilling him about being an apostate. Our bishop had called him and explained the whole thing.<br />
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I was heartbroken.<br />
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We quit going to church at all and starting having our own little worship service in our living room with just our family. It was beautiful and wonderful and frequently brought tears to my eyes, the spirit was so powerful. But when my son left for school, he grew angrier and angrier at the church and further and further away from the spirit.<br />
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Now, it's an argument when I try to talk about spiritual things with him. He gets mad and accuses me of forcing it on him. His heart has hardened and I don't know how to help him other than to pray. I ache for him and our relationship which is starting to feel more and more broken as time goes by because I don't want to let go and nag too much. It is taking a lot of faith to let go of this and hand it over to the Lord and most of the time, I'm unsuccessful at it.<br />
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Anyway, I've come to peace with a lot of things. We've found a wonderful community to meet with once a month and we love them (although our son doesn't attend with us.) We were also all re-baptized last week, (my second time) which was wonderful, but he didn't do that with us either.) I'll tell you more about those experiences in a different post.<br />
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The moral of this story--because I like to end with something people can take with them into their own lives--is that it doesn't always turn out how we expect it to or want it to. Not just with the church or our wards, but with our own children, brothers and sisters, and parents. It's a learning experience and the only thing we can do is stay faithful to the Lord, because if he sees us to it, he will see us through it.<br />
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<br />Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-44294051562148985462016-05-24T14:24:00.005-07:002016-05-24T14:24:49.666-07:00A miraculous healingI've changed my mind. I want to keep things in order and the next thing that happened for me was a healing.<br />
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Something I need to make clear is that I have a terrible memory. I don't say this with self-deprecating humor. I'm not old. I'm only 45. It's because my illness literally pretty much wiped the hard drive in my head clean. Yep. I had a total reboot and there are many things I can't remember anymore. My short term memory is still pretty iffy too, which is frustrating because when I want to talk about my bursting testimony I can't remember deatils! It's beyond embarrassing, because I don't want to say, "I studied this, and I know it's a fact, documented somewhere, but I can't remember who said it, where I read it, or where you can find it yourself!"<br />
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Anyway, I was sitting at the computer one day, just surfing somewhere (seriously can't remember if I was on facebook or what) But I found information about "inhaling hydrogen peroxide." It stopped me for a minute and the spirit said to me in a very calm tone, "You should try that."<br />
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My first thought was, "Are you freaking kidding me? That can't be healthy."<br />
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But something prompted me to study it out further, so I did, watching a ton of different videos on youtube. And then I figured, what the heck? What do I have to lose at this point? But let me just say, it terrified me to try it. Truly. What if it destroyed my lungs or worse???<br />
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Long story short. Within a month and a half, my illness was gone. Totally. And it has never come back and that was two years ago.<br />
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I still have issues to deal with. It wasn't a total healing, which I do pray for still. I want Jesus to come down and pronounced me whole. I want to be able to hop out of bed and go running like I used to and gave energy to do more than laundry. As it is, I roll out of bed slowly, fill my water bottle up to the top, and then sit in bed drinking water until my body feels like it wants to function, while my husband makes breakfast for the kids and mainly gets them off to school. They do quite a bit of getting ready in my bathroom, so I can dole out orders when I need to, but my situation isn't ideal.<br />
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At least I'm in the healing stage rather than the degenerative stage. I'll take it. And things ARE getting better. For the first time in a very long time, I walked two miles! A HUGE milestone! And I pray the entire time I'm walking, praising God for the miracle of being able to walk at all.<br />
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From the time of my healing on, I told everyone about my miracle and the amazing spiritual experiences I was having, where I felt the spirit communicating with me on a level I'd never felt before. My kids can't even lie to me anymore! Seriously, ninety-nine percent of the time, I can tell when they're lying. They hate it and actually get mad at the Holy Ghost for tattling on them. When it happens and they say some lie, I'll look them right in the eyes and say, "The Holy Ghost just told me you're lying. Spit out the truth, buster." Not that they lie all the time, but they are kids.<br />
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Healing has been slow, but I know it happened this way to teach me some very valuable lessons I needed. I'm a very slow learner, which shows just how wise the Savior is, doing it this way, keeping me humble and submissive and wanting more. Maybe a better person could have handled a complete and total healing. I need weakness to force me to cry out to Jesus.<br />
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And in honor of that line, here is a song I absolutely love.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/VeGNgBwPTMA" width="459"></iframe>Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-724740413712735705.post-63004784007881460342016-05-22T06:38:00.000-07:002016-05-29T09:54:38.034-07:00The Beginning of my JourneyI'm nobody special. At least, no more special than anyone else. But my story may help somebody else, so I'm putting it out there.<br />
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No long ago I suffered--and I mean suffered--from a terrible illness that left me weak and utterly fatigued, constantly nauseous, pretty much brain dead, and super emotional. I was bedridden for about three years. I am telling you, my situation felt bleak.<br />
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I'm not going to tell you what my illness was because it doesn't matter and I don't want it to be the focus of this blog. Let's just say I was in the depths of misery.<br />
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To keep my liver from being overloaded from toxins from this illness and having liver damage, I did the coffee enema cleanse (and it was the ONLY thing that could detox me fast enough or well enough) twice a day at least. It was the first thing I did in the morning. <i>Every day.</i><br />
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This means I laid on my bathroom floor (with towels and pillows etc...) every day, twice a day, for three years or more. In fact, I'm just barely able to wean myself from them, because yes, I did sustain some liver damage.<br />
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Is was in those moments I would feel most lost, depressed, and hopeless. Many times I would lie there and cry... and cry... and cry, hoping this was not really my life. I couldn't imagine going on like this until the day I died--which didn't feel far off.<br />
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A friend came over one night unannounced--which was a good thing because my illness had made me a recluse and had given me terrible anxiety about EVERYTHING. I could hardly function and I did not like visitors even though I was terribly lonely. Anyway, this friend just sat and visited with my husband and me about a book he'd read and how much it had changed his life. The book was written by Denver Snuffer. I'd never heard of him and even though the conversation had been interesting and something different in my miserable life, I wasn't interested in reading anything. My brain was hardly functioning as it was. I got brain fatigued really fast, couldn't stand stimulation, loud music, TV, and had become SUPER forgetful, and.... I could go on and on. You get the picture.<br />
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At the time, my family was active LDS. I'll go more into our history with a different post, but at this time, I had no desire to read a religious book by someone I didn't know. And I mean NO desire.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLh3zYnSkt5ctOqyxccil14f7Rfzkopa4wNPovDSkbbWx6Ufru1Cqsr2VrMTsV_zi_xoEvyrTqRMk_Z_MBL6_7Co00I24LCKzHnb47yHY36XXiyKBAykPkS8beDiFI9OsX0pYI6vrfqW4/s1600/51LJRi56MqL._SX331_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLh3zYnSkt5ctOqyxccil14f7Rfzkopa4wNPovDSkbbWx6Ufru1Cqsr2VrMTsV_zi_xoEvyrTqRMk_Z_MBL6_7Co00I24LCKzHnb47yHY36XXiyKBAykPkS8beDiFI9OsX0pYI6vrfqW4/s320/51LJRi56MqL._SX331_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" width="213" /></a>The thing was, as the week went by, I felt nagged by the Spirit to go over and borrow that book. It would NOT leave my mind, and so I finally cried uncle and texted my friend, asking if I could borrow his book, <i>Passing the Heavenly Gift. </i><br />
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Here's the thing. He didn't have his copy at the moment. He'd loaned it out to someone else, but he did have another one of Denver's books I could read. <i>Removing the Condemnation.</i> I opened it up and found it to be a super intensive study guide about The Book of Mormon with teeny tiny words.<br />
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That was not what I wanted.<br />
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But I took it, thanked my friend, and promised myself I would at least <i>try </i>to read it. The best time for me to read was during my cleanse while I laid on the floor, so for the next short while, that is what I did. I absolutely soaked it up. It was amazing! Why had no one ever taught this to me before? I was a returned missionary for Pete's sake!!! I should know what The B of M taught. But I was learning things, layer beneath layer, of that wonderful book, that I'd never known before. This information was amazing and I needed more!<br />
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I searched Amazon for other books by Denver and found them. I bought <i>The Second Comforter</i> and <i>Passing the Heavenly Gift.</i> From that moment on, I was hooked. Never had I experienced the Spirit in such a powerful way before, never had I been taught like this and my testimony of the Savior soared!<br />
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I learned quickly that Denver was not someone to brag about if I didn't want trouble, but I was so excited it was hard not to. It wasn't long after that I heard he'd gotten excommunicated for writing PTHG.<br />
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My life became one wild roller coaster from that moment on. I started studying blogs to help feed my spirit (besides reading DS books). Pure Mormonism, To the Remnant, According to Smoot, My Journey to the Fullness, Journey to the Fullness, and others. Look for them.<br />
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Anyway, I'm going to keep this short.I'll tell you about my miraculous healing in my next post. And it truly was miraculous, and then I'll tell you about my son who was sent home from his mission early, but it's too much to write now. I'm feeling brain tired.<br />
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But this was how it started for me and it has been a wild ride ever since.Purify My Hearthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11713464533162127873noreply@blogger.com1