Letting Go and Accepting What Is

Have you ever forgotten a password or username for some account you use? Did you rant and rave, pull your hair out or want to throw your computer against the wall? After that, did you bargain and plead with God to help you to understand the problem only to face more frustration? (are you recognizing the 5 stages of grief here? LOL)

I recently did some serious in depth cleaning of my computer since it wasn't behaving and the cleansing period erased some important things. Like hints at what the password and email were for a certain google account.

The one that affects this blog.

I hadn't posted for a while, because I wait for the Lord to tell me to, so it's easy to forget little things like passwords or whole freakin' email addresses when my computer erases them. Anyway, a few days ago I felt like I might want to write, and when I tried to log on I couldn't. My password and user ID did not match... according to Google.

I KNEW I was doing it right. I was right, right, right! I had my password! I could remember it, dang it. After that, I tried every password I could ever remember using. NOTHING worked. After a couple of days of battle I tried to contact Google but they don't pay people to help recover accounts from forgetful people and my attempts at logging in always ended the same way.

After a week of talking to google "volunteers" and trying to figure it out, and after a solid week of praying and asking for the Lord's help, and not getting it... for SEVEN days, I finally let go. I finally accepted that I might not recover this account, ie this blog. Ever. It might have to be abandoned. And it was finally okay. I could let go, because the Lord was in control. He had already whispered to my mind that if He wanted me to keep blogging, things would work out and I needed to have faith and wait on Him.

Then, this morning, I thought I'd try one more time, just for curiosity's sake and what do you know? Loud and clear, the mistake I'd made was revealed to my mind. I REMEMBERED what I did wrong. I'd forgotten my own email address, or at least a couple numbers at the end, and it wasn't until I had given up, given in, and calmed my mind, that He could tell me my mistake.

As soon as I typed in the correct email, everything went through just fine. I now sit here in awe and amazement, listening to my kids argue out in the living room, but I'm not going to let that affect me. I've just experienced something otherworldly. The Lord spoke to my mind. His words were clear. "You forgot the 01 in the email address." I responded with, "Are you serious? I've been miserable all week, trying to figure this out, beating myself up for being so stupid, and THIS is what was wrong all this time?? Why didn't You tell me sooner!!"

Well, I suppose it's because the Still Small Voice couldn't get through my manic panic. It occurs to me that this is how things work in all aspects of our lives. How often do we miss the message because our thoughts are too loud? How often do we pray, demanding, tell me how to fix this!, over and over, and hear no answer? I really tried to hear. I wanted to get my blog back like you couldn't believe, but it wasn't until I was willing to sacrifice this blog, to give it up, to give it all to Him, that He finally spoke to me in a way I could hear and understand.

This is the pattern of my life. Seriously.

But dang, it was cool and my heart is so full!

The moral of the story is....